Episode 1: Why Physician Moms Push Towards Burnout

Women who are both physicians and moms are to be admired. They are “on” literally 24/7. And by “on” I mean for two full time jobs, and then some.

First, just to get into medical school, through rigorous training, and deflecting countless episodes of discrimination makes a woman unique. She is socialized as a physician, yes, but also serves as a pillar for women.

Second, add to that the drive to excel at becoming a mother. The effort and tears poured into this role far exceeds what medicine sucks out, I am sure.

What an enormous challenge, and I am just beginning. Women don’t live in only 2 roles, physician, and mom.
They are many things to other people:

• a loving daughter that takes care of her aging parents.
• a best friend that shoulders her friend’s emotions during divorce.
• a community leader in a volunteer position to help others outside of medicine.

I am this woman. I’d love to tell you a bit of my story.

Medical School Sparks a Clear-Defined Path

Like most docs once I got accepted into med school, my path was laid out for me. Yes, I had a few choices to make along the way, like what specialty, where I will apply for residency, and where I want to even live!

But, for the most part, most decisions were already made for me. If I buckled down, studied, showed up for rounds on time, and prepared, and didn’t fall asleep driving on the way home from call, I would succeed. Did you feel this way too?

I did my residency in anesthesiology in Chicago, a fabulous city for a 20-something, and got married. After graduation, I landed my first full-time position on a partnership track in an MD only practice in AZ. 

I had checked all the boxes, except one. So, we added two beautiful humans to our family. Life was set. But, now what? Some of you checked those boxes while a med student or resident, right? Oh my gosh, I admire the amount of strength you had!

Now an attending, an undercurrent of unsettledness formed the backdrop of a rather chaotic time of diapers, nannies, work, and exhaustion. For a time, I was the Martha Stewart of moms with creative birthday parties and take – home gift boxes stuffed with homemade cookies for guests. 

Don’t get me wrong, it was a blast, and so, so draining. But I pushed on, for years – adding challenges that would fulfill some new unwritten checklist. I scaled back on anesthesia hours and co-created a ketamine infusion business. Yep, this excited my entrepreneurial self.

I’m curious how many of you are entrepreneurs at heart?

Still, I decided to pile on a fellowship in Integrative Medicine to this new business. My kids were in middle school at the time – so no diapers, but still busy. I added on  other classes too, like college classes, just because. I had this need to be a perpetual  student, that was my comfort zone, still is by the way.

A Gradual Shift to Over Working in Your Practice

What I didn’t recognize, or acknowledge, was what a high level of chronic stress over the years was doing to me. Sure, I noticed a non-stop mind, constant lack of sleep, and irritability. Of course, if I just took care of myself more those would go away, no?

But here are the bigger, more insidious problems – my health started to suffer and at work my tank of compassion was nearly empty. I wish I had been blessed with a light bulb moment much earlier in life. You know, when an event happens to you  personally or you witness such in a loved one and, “aha!” That’s life changing, isn’t it?

No, my light bulb ever so slowly grew brighter, like on a dimmer switch, until it dawned on me – something must change. How the heck did I let this happen? I know the science behind mediation, regular exercise, eating well, and sleep! It’s what I teach patients.

But, how to turn that around and listen to my own knowledge. I needed a nudge. I needed a new perspective.

It took a dear friend talking through an issue that was absolutely draining me. She guided me through a series of actionable steps, that with practice, helped beyond words.

I am forever grateful for my dimmer switch enabled light bulb moment. And, now I’ve created Inspired Mom MDs to guide other physician moms take back control and prioritize what matters most so they thrive in private practice and at home.

Take a quick beat and think, what comes immediately to your mind on what matters most for you?

To get started, I spoke to many physician moms, dug deep, and got to the root of what they felt about their own lives as a mom and doc. And, if any of you are tuning in, I’m sending a warm note of gratitude to all of you. Thank you.

With Inspired Mom MDs, I am that fresh pair of eyes, a new perspective to common problems so many physician moms face. I think a lot of times, they are mired down in all the tasks, chores, commitments it takes to be Superwoman.

I think “Superwoman” is pretty accurate here. A woman in a male dominated field certainly must work harder, perform better, and shine brighter than male colleagues.  In her other roles as mom, wife, or daughter she also has an immense list of expectations.

After all, one who goes down the road of becoming a physician in the first place is a  high achieving, intelligent, and driven. It makes sense she would want to perform all things well.

But is the fictional character of Superwoman a realistic goal to strive for?

I used to push myself for just that. And it almost broke me – both in a physical sense and a mental/spiritual sense. Well, if I’m being honest, it did.

My hurting physical body was my wake-up call that, hey, I’m human, not Superwoman. I was “balls to the wall” with my workouts. My sense of competitiveness made me try to beat the 20-something in my HIIT class
at pull ups, or burpees, or length of time jumping rope without stopping.

My point today, is that physician moms do do-it-all, and quite well, thank you. But, at the expense of their own health, sense of being in control, and in content relationships with their loved ones.

This is the goal of Inspired Mom MDs – to help women take back that control so they can find harmony and thrive.

In the next episode, I’ll be discussing The #1 Reason Physician Moms Work Harder Than They Need To.

It’s Time to Take Control and Thrive!