EPISODE: 15
3 Ways to Embrace Change
as a Doctor Mom
InspiredMomMDs.com/15
Embracing Change as a Physician Mom: How Grit, Acceptance, and a Growth Mindset Help You Navigate Life’s Transitions
Episode 15: 3 Ways to Embrace Change as a Doctor Mom
You’ve worked for 36 hours straight with minimal food or rest. You stood tall in the face of angry attendings, patients and even their family members. You’ve also endured the guilt from missing out on events with family and friends.
You have grit.
You wouldn’t be where you are without it. But that doesn’t stop you seeking courage for a new change or challenge.
This could be your practice selling to a big corporation, your kids are moving up to high school, your parents are needing help as they age, or even the “big change” of menopause.
Inevitable as these are, they still catch you off guard. They rock your world a bit and it’s hard to accept without focusing on the negative possibilities – the “what ifs?”
Why is it so hard to embrace change?
How do you find the courage to be at peace with change; that it’s not going to be so bad?
A Physician Mom to Admire
Change is unsettling, even as an accomplished women physician, right?
For me, it has become a bit easier as I grow older. I’m so much more accepting of myself and just life in general. It got easier to roll with the punches.
Endurance and determination laid the groundwork for this hard-won grit.
I love the word “grit.” Just reading it or saying it aloud sparks a visceral response. I feel stronger.
I was talking to a doctor mom recently who is an inspiration. She demonstrates courage in the face of change while raising two very different kids. She didn’t ask for or expect some of the challenges that followed her youngest child. She did, however, demonstrate courage and embrace her beautiful little humans.
I’ll tell you a small part of her story with key facts removed or changed for privacy.
Her two kids are several years apart in school, with the younger child requiring extra care for a disability.
Her older child thrives in school and has a pretty smooth transition each year to middle school and high school.
But when the younger child went to the same middle school, he just did not fit the environment. Ok, something had to change.
This mom moved the young one to a private school with fewer students per teacher. She also reduced her work hours to part time to spend more time as his caregiver when he was home.
This brought the double financial strain of working less and now paying for private school. Her husband’s job became more vital to maintaining the household, and thus donating more resources to ensure his success. He was home even less as he spent more time at work to push for a promotion.
A stark contrast between her first and second child required adaptability from both parents.
This beautiful woman will do anything for her kids. Her greatest wish is for them to live a good life, even when it’s not easy. I bet you can relate.
My biggest revelation from my discussion with this mom is her acceptance of what is out of her control, the courage to choose her best options and act even when it doesn’t fit with what she expected.
Three Takeaways to Help Be a More Courageous Woman and Embrace Change
Accept that changes must happen. Acceptance is harder than denial sometimes, right? With denial you can pretend there isn’t even a problem … for a while anyway.
But look at the upside to learning acceptance. You can take charge, think and plan how to react. You get to strategize. You can come to peace with it.
With denial, decisions are made for you as apprehension simmers under your surface.
Acceptance is not passive; it does take effort. One way to accept something new is to focus on what you can control. What small steps are within your power to make and improve your situation? And when you master that one, find another small step and so forth. Keep going.
This will make the situation less overwhelming. When I talk to physician moms about finding what they can do they feel more empowered. They move away from feeling powerless and take agency.
Embrace a growth mindset. Reframe difficult changes from setbacks to opportunities to learn and grow.
You may be familiar with Carol Dweck’s theory of growth mindset. She suggests that people with a growth mindset view challenges as opportunities to grow and improve, and they embrace setbacks as learning experiences. This way of thinking allows individuals to be more resilient and achieve greater success.
The mom with two kids I just spoke to saw an opportunity in her challenging situation. She found it rewarding to not only spend more time with her son, but she became a mentor and took a leadership role in the community for his disability.
Flex your grit muscle. All that bravery and determination that got you here in life will certainly carry you through change.
So, how do you tap into this when you need it? Well, remember life as a resident. How about all those times you had no choice but to persevere. What did you say in your mind or do that helped you?
Another idea is to talk it out with a friend or colleague. This is how I am wired. When I talk things through with someone, they don’t even need to weigh in, I can see an answer for myself!
The most powerful solution is often the one you find within yourself.
One last tip is to envision what you want your life to look like as a mom and as a physician a year from now. You can pick a longer or shorter time.
Now, imagine you are there, you have arrived. Look around and note how you feel, what you see, what you hear. Who is with you in this vision? Just revel in the moment and let yourself feel the success.
Just as you made it through med school and residency, you will make it to your next tier of success, your vision. Do you feel that courage welling up? That grit? It is there, 100%. You got this.
With acceptance, a growth mindset and your inherent grit you can tackle change.
No need to deny a challenge or get caught in a spiral of “what ifs.” I found those hypothetical outcomes that run through my mind are often far worse than anything that really happens.
Use your grit, you have it. Take a tablespoon of grit, twice a day, and you will feel better. You will succeed.
It’s Time to Take Control and Thrive!About Cindy Van Praag, MD, NBC-HWC
Wellness Advocate for Physician Moms
Cindy talks about the current climate of practicing medicine while juggling the roles of mom, wife, daughter, and more. She brings a fresh pair of eyes and guidance for common situations physician moms face daily. In Inspired Mom MDs Podcast, Cindy delivers a fresh perspective and actionable steps to take agency and elevate your power. Listen on your favorite podcast app!
