Episode 23: Why Introvert Traits as a Physician Mom are a Good Thing

Has someone ever stolen your idea in a meeting?

Not too long ago my introvert self was sitting in a day-long meeting. I
did a lot of listening that day but did speak up with an interesting idea.

Unfortunately, another person repeated my idea in their dramatic
soliloquy, and everyone nodded. They didn’t nod to me, but rather to this
extroverted person. What?

Has this happened to you?

Introverts practicing medicine face a different set of challenges. Your
natural demeanor undercuts deserved recognition or advancement in your
group or organization. You are labelled as shy or too quiet.

What if you think of being an introvert as an advantage?

Sure, the squeaky wheel gets the oil, and I sometimes wonder if I’m
squeaky enough. But introverts have a trump card, or rather they have a
whole hand of winning cards.

Listen in today to learn more!

Some will say, “She’s too quiet.” Darn straight I am except when I’m not.

Being quiet does not stop me from advocating loudly for my patients.

Being the quiet mom doesn’t mean I didn’t throw fabulous birthday parties
for my kids – which isn’t a thing now for my kids now that they’re
teenagers.

And being an introvert doesn’t mean my household is quiet, quite the
opposite. It is fairly well known that introverts are amazingly loud,
funny, and witty when they choose to be. Fact. Just ask my family!

Speaking of facts, the truth is introversion and extroversion are on a
spectrum. Everyone falls somewhere along that line, while those in the
middle are often called ambiverts. I don’t believe there is an ideal place
on this line.

I do think in terms of pros and cons of each position on the
introvert-extrovert scale.

Born as an introvert, I need to focus on the benefits of my reserved
nature and tendency to think before speaking.

I see the benefits of extroverts too – they are a pleasure to have around.
I sometimes sigh with relief when an extrovert walks in the room. That
takes the work away from me to entertain (what I secretly want anyway)!

The balance is sometimes harmonious, sometimes elusive.

So, what are some of those winning cards introverts can play to tip the
balance to harmony?

There are 3 cards I will talk about today: look at your introvert
qualities as strengths, practice small behavioral changes that give you an
edge, and celebrate your inborn disposition.

Be an Introspective Introvert!

Introspection is the name of the first card — not that introverts don’t
do enough of that!

Reframe your introvert tendencies as strengths:

• • Do you take the time to formulate your thoughts? I’m not talking about
    clinical, or emergent thoughts, but more like in a meeting on a divisive
    topic.

• • Your strength here is not blurting out every step of your mental
    process. I’d like to think you have an air of mystery.

• • When you do contribute, you speak with the refined opinion. You distill out the nonsense and get straight to the point. How rewarding is that?

• • Do you avoid conflict? I do and celebrate having less drama. It’s often
    not worth my energy.

• • Do you prefer to listen than talk? There is so much to learn from others
    when we listen.

• • Would you rather be alone than at another party? This really isn’t a burden to an introvert, right? For me, of course I enjoy a good party,
    laughing and socializing, but there is a limit. I only need so much of
    that.

The strength here is taking alone time to relax. For me that looks like
meditation to slow my heart rate or reading a book to expand my knowledge
base.

Also, being along recharges me for the next social setting where I have
the energy to speak up, to squeak like the proverbial wheel.

This leads me to that second card in your hand. Sometimes you do need to
change the behavior around these tendencies.

Practice What You Teach as a Mother and Attending

Do practice, grow and learn to speak out more when it truly matters. Just
as I need to practice speaking up a bit more, an extrovert needs to
practice toning it down and listening to others.

I speak up more now because I learned I needed to change my behavior in
some situations. I learned to work against my tendencies. This gets more
comfortable over time.

Recall I just mentioned my quiet moments in that day-long meeting and how
my idea got trampled? I am better now at elevating my voice a bit, making
eye contact with my audience and making sure my thoughts are heard.

I keep them short and concise to have more impact.

Other ideas that may resonate are to:

• • Prioritize your tasks and schedule breaks to recharge. You’re already an
    expert on yourself, where do you need a shift? Perhaps take a breather
    from that overstimulating meeting. Or take the time to do that one
    activity that helps you recharge.

• • Learn to communicate your needs and boundaries effectively. Boundaries
    are important to my mental and physical health, for sure. I set limits
    to protect valuable time alone and exercise!

• • Be your own advocate for your basic needs. I spoke at length about this
    in my podcast episode, “Saying No Like a Boss: Boundaries for Physician
    Moms.” Check it out on episode number 20 in your podcast app, or head to
    inspiredmommds.com/20.

• • Start small and gradually increase your adjustments over time. For
    example, speaking up to set boundaries or just get your intelligent
    ideas out to the world takes practice when it’s not an innate skill.
    When you take this one step at a time, I guarantee it becomes easier.

• Don’t feel any pressure to change. Just work on what is valuable to
  maintain, like your job and family harmony.

Celebrate Your Unique Momma Doc Self!

You are a one-of-a-kind personality and a precious contribution to this
world. Thank goodness we aren’t all the same – that would be boring,
right?

I love the memes that cross my social media about introverts that make me
laugh. I wish I could show pictures in the middle of this podcast! Have
you heard of these, from unknown authors.

• “Why would I want to go big when I could go home?”
• “If you see me in public, it’s not me.”
• Or my favorite: “I’m not anti-social. I’m Pro-Solitude.”

I just found out there is a World Introvert Day, which is on January 2nd. The idea behind it is to bring awareness to the inner secrets of introverts and to allow them to recover after the big holiday season.

I would like to think of this day, not just awareness and recovery, but a celebration. And deservedly each day is a celebration.

It’s a Wrap!

Sure, being an introvert in medicine and as a mom can limit you in this
loud, chaotic world. But this is actually a strength. You are a
much-needed compliment to tone down the noise and temper overreaction.

I want to dispel a myth before I finish. Being an introvert does not mean
you are shy. I’m not speaking because I choose not to, not because I am
embarrassed or fear what people will say. Fear and embarrassment are
emotions. Introversion is a personality type.

So, play your winning cards and enjoy your day!

Don’t forget to join me next week for another dose of support and
inspiration. Until then, take care of yourselves, and take care of those
who matter most.

It’s Time to Take Control and Thrive!