Ever found yourself knowing what you should do, but struggling to actually do it?

You’re not alone.

I’ve been there, and I’m still figuring things out!

I’ve been:

• The Late-Night Worker – knowing I needed more family time, but work kept me in my office.
• The Ice Cream Aficionado – aiming for a healthy diet but succumbing to a nightly dish.
• The Armchair Athlete – aspiring to be more fit but letting exhaustion win.

Veering away from good intentions compounds negative consequences too, like guilt, weight gain or continued fatigue.

Why is this so hard?  Our brains are wired to form habits, which can be difficult to break, even when we know they’re not serving us well.

But there’s hope.

There is a way to turn good intentions into good actions.

Today I distill down a clear 3- step approach to making that change happen.

My Medical Degree Never Taught Me How to Break Bad Habits

Bad habits are hard to shake, even when you clearly see they are hurting you.

Why is it so hard to do what we know is right?

Current examples of things I know is right, but just can’t seem to change and do are:

• Eating more veggies each day. I have a small pang of guilt for knowing I should load more on my plate,  but not following through.
• Saying no to ice cream (more often). I am a whiz at justifications in the moment to satisfy my craving, and adeptly shove out my healthy “don’t eat that” voice.
• How about a bigger item, communicating effectively in real-time, even when I’m still formulating my thoughts. I sometimes ruminate of what I should have said later.

I sometimes feel an endless cycle of disappointment.

I set high standards for myself to meet all these expectations in my head and expect myself to follow through. (I realize as I write this that I should interject more self-compassion here.)

But the problem is 2-fold.

1. With a myriad of thoughts, what “stuff” is even worth pursuing?  What’s really important? 
2. I need a clear action plan to make this stuff happen and blow away all the unnecessary thoughts.

Physician Moms Can Put Good Beliefs and Attitudes into Action

Sometimes, behavior doesn’t match a positive attitude because both are subject to other influences.

First, dozens of factors interrupt the pathway between a desired behavior and the actual behavior. Social psychologist, Harry Triandis, simplified this pathway with his Theory of Interpersonal Behavior. I will simplify his theory further, for ease of understanding.

Imagine 3 buckets that you pour into a bathtub. The bathtub is the soupy mix of behaviors that happen each day.

Bucket 1 is a big one. It holds someone’s intentions, what they want to do. This bucket is filled with measuring cups of social factors like roles and self-concept, attitudes, moral beliefs and emotions.

Bucket 2 is brimming with habits – all the past behaviors that now come automatically.

Bucket 3 contains constraints or facilitating conditions – what’s happening in the moment that affects behavior.

With all these factors at play, it’s no wonder it’s so hard to do what one believes!

I like the theory by Triandis because it illuminates the many obstacles that can derail our best intentions. It helps clarify why behavior change can be so difficult.

There is a way to successfully embrace your feelings and beliefs, break bad habits and start doing healthier behavior.

Ok Doc, Here’s the 1, 2, 3 for Making Positive Attitudes a Reality

Make your attitude more specific for greater success. For example, the attitude “I want to be fit” is not the same as “I am going to walk or run 3 times this week” So how do you get specific?

• 1. Liking must become wanting.

• I encourage you to delve deep into your motivations. How deeply does the desired behavior resonate with your values and identity?

• This goes back to bucket 1 and the social factors that influence behavior, like roles and self-concept.

• Think how liking the idea of being a fit momma affects you, your health, and your relationships. It probably feels good, right?

• Ok, now you must want it. Take it to the next level. Connect wanting this good feeling with wanting to be a fit mom.

• It helps to visualize the future here. See the positive outcome of changing your behavior. Imagine how much more energy and strength you will feel by increasing your exercise.

• 2. A goal must be set – and one that is important enough to overcome other demands.

• The challenge now is to choose what you will make a priority and how you will overcome competing demands.

• The highly effective SMART goal is a great place to start! A quick application of the anacronym “SMART” for a fitness goal example is this:

• S: Specific – In 3 months, I will be walking 5 days a week for 30 minutes.

• M: Measurable – This will be tracked on my calendar, where I can see the days of the week walked.

• A: Attainable – It is a bit of a challenge, but still achievable and not overwhelming to do in 3 months.

• R: Relevant – This goal fits my vision of being a healthy, strong mom.

• T: Time-Bound – I will start this week, on Friday and will reach my goal 3 months from Friday.

• Now, for the first step toward your goal.

• 3. A specific behavior must be chosen.

• You might imagine the first step of this walking example is to walk! But, maybe not!

• A first step is an action to get the ball rolling. It is something totally doable and not overwhelming yet still moves you toward your goal.

• For example, if I want to start walking 5 days a week I need to first rearrange my schedule a bit to carve out 30 minutes. And to do that, I need to adjust my schedule at work, which may have some hurdles.

• So, my first step could be, on Friday, I will talk with my scheduler to move around appointments to be home on-time.

• Or I may need to arrange a grocery delivery or pick up instead of going into the store to shop.

• These things take energy and action and are allowed in the plan toward the walking goal.

• And get this, achieving this step is exciting and starts to build momentum. Now, the next behavior may be walking even 10-20 min in the new window of time – and so forth.

• It’s important to start small and gradually build on the plan.

• Also, it’s wise to choose something that you feel “Hey, I can do that!”

• When you choose an action you have control over, it will more likely happen. I mean, don’t choose a behavior that relies on someone else to happen.

• For example, you want to go the pool at the gym 2 days a week, but you have to wait for your teenager to come home with the car, because now you’re sharing cars with all these new drivers in the family! Or you want to walk the dog outside 3 days a week, but you need your husband to be home to watch the kids while you do.

A couple more tips that may help:

• Accountability is a powerful motivator: Think about what technique resonates with you to stay on track. For me, it’s writing something in my calendar, and when it’s important, telling someone else. That keeps me on track because I don’t want to have to admit I didn’t do it!
• Make yourself “self-aware” of your new goal. Keeping your choice top of mind will make it more potent. When you think about your action step, and overall goal, they become influential.

There are so many nuances to each human, right?

When I work with women, we go through all these steps and work through all the caveats unique to that individual.  The results are more control over daily habits that lead to feeling more energy and satisfaction in themselves.

It is a gradual process. Just remember progress over perfection is key.

Ready, Set, Go!

To summarize, recall those 3 buckets and what you’re pouring into your bathtub. What is influencing your decision making, toward bad habits or away from them?

My goal today is to help physician moms learn a pathway to changing their bad habits or behavior to what they know in their hearts and smart minds is right.

Following the 3-step approach of wanting an specific outcome, setting a SMART goal and choosing realistic steps to start is a tried and true roadmap.

This is a great tool to clean up that mental bathtub and emerge with shiny new habits!

Don’t forget to join me next week for another dose of support and inspiration. Until then, take care of yourselves, and take care of those who matter most.

It’s Time to Take Control and Thrive!