Episode 36: The Confession of a Jumpy Physician Mom

I think I must have a big amygdala.

That tiny part of the brain is the master of the fight or flight response.

It can elicit a full-blown hands up in the air, gravity defying leap away from perceived “danger”.

As someone who meditates daily and strives for more Zen, I admit I startle easily.

What a stark contrast between a relatively calm personality and moments of jumping out of my skin.

And you know what? It’s ok.

I’m done fighting it, explaining it away, dealing with people’s comments like it’s a fault of mine.

I won’t get eaten by a tiger anytime soon! There that.

My point is, I now embrace a part of who I am.

What is something you’ve resisted, maybe for years, that is your hardwired biology?

You can embrace who you are too!

When you stop fighting nature, and learn to roll with what you can’t change, you win.

How do you do this? Listen in…

My Journey to Accepting My Startle Reflex as Mom Doc

I am living the experience as my fingers tap my keyboard.

There is a rumble all around, even through my headphones, and the walls are shivering.

We are getting a new roof, right at this moment, as I sit in my home office with my jumpy guard dog at my feet.

Rightly so, she woke up the house at the crack of dawn when an army of roofers surrounded our house prepping for the day. Planters were moved, a huge tarp covered our little pool, and a large dumpster was deposited in our driveway.

With people outside almost every window, my pup was having a field day barking.

She has that glorious, vicious guard dog type bark, that I’m grateful for on any other day but today.

The real issue is, when she gets quiet. I relax a bit, pick up my hot coffee cup, and Bam!

A loud howl comes out of this little animal and makes me jump out of my skin.

(Just this moment, it happened again.)

It got me thinking about a realization I had recently.

I must have a larger than normal amygdala.

I just read this in an article recently.

It was an aha moment.

Why have I been fighting my ingrained biology? I’ve been like this my whole life, and finally realize I can just accept what is.

My husband will come around the corner, and I will jump sky high.

He’ll say, “I was just walking to the kitchen, in my own house!”

And I’ll reply, “Yeah, but do you have to do it in secret ninja mode?”

This never, ever, happens to him or my daughter. But I see the exact same thing in my son!

He inherited it from me, lucky kid.

Why have I apologized for being jumpy?

What sense does that make?

I was resisting who I am, the part of me that I can’t change.

Be True to Yourself, Doc

You can’t change what’s innately you.

How do I embrace who I am? How does anyone?

For me, it was education. I learned 2 key facts that made me change my mind.

1. It’s actually a physical, real, measurable thing in the brain that is correlated with a behavior.

2. On this point of jumpiness, that’s great, right? But the other 1 million traits that people contend with may not have a discoverable scientific source, at least not yet.

   And I do also recognize the complex interplay between biology and environment, or nature versus nurture. Boy does this spark some feisty arguments in the scientific world!

   I also consider a bit the chicken versus the egg conundrum – which came first? There is also scientific proof of brain changes because of various conditions, such as depression, etc.

   So, is my brain the cause of a high startle reflex? Or did something completely unknown to me cause it. I just don’t know. But what I do know is that people are born with baseline personality traits.

   The origin of things not completely explained may include, for example:

   • Sense of humor – from non-existent to the life of the party
   • Artistry and creativity – which comes so naturally for some

   • Empathy – I would love to know where the biological basis is for empathy. As an empath, I have found this is another trait that I’ve sometimes been embarrassed by or made excuses for.

   I believe as physicians and scientists, we only see and understand the tip of the proverbial iceberg. In due time, more will be revealed, but not soon enough to help us earthlings now.

   This leads to my second fact.

   2. It can be normal. And, more importantly, in general it is not harming anyone.

      A short internet search unveils a large swath of people that behave just like me, and my son. It’s not my fault, or theirs.

      I’m definitely not saying that just because a group of people behaves in a certain way, that makes it normal and acceptable. Just that, I know I’m not alone.

      There’s comfort in that fact. Enough comfort for me to finally embrace it.

      It’s who I am.

      No need to apologize, own it.

      No excuses.

   A high startle reflex can also be abnormal. Or rather, a normal protective response to an abnormal situation. People with a history of anxiety disorders, trauma, and PTSD can certainly experience a higher startle reflex.

   If you happen to experience some of what I’m describing, and it really concerns you, or is affecting your life, I advise you to reach out to your doctor or therapist to check it out. Lay it out for them and see how they can help you.

   Today’s discussion is more for folks who have more idiopathic jumpiness, or one that doesn’t have a discernable cause.

   Certainly, days with increased tension and stress can lead to more jumpiness.

   Between Patients and Kids, You Have Enough to Worry About

   Today’s message is simple, when you embrace who you really are, you will save yourself the grief and energy of resistance.

   When you stop explaining away traits or behavior quirks, you free yourself.

   Replace the moments of nagging irritation or worry in your brain with self-compassion and acceptance.

   Now, I kind of laugh when it happens – once my heart rate calms a little.

   And of course, I try to mitigate factors to prevent what I know will be a rough day.

   I have my dog under my desk, at my feet. Seems she fears all this noise too.

   It will be a long day, but with a deep breath, my hand on her head, and a hot cup of coffee, I will get through this day.

   And you will too.

   Embrace your little habits or moments that make you unique. But also realize, you are not alone.

   Someone somewhere has probably studied what you struggle with.

   Maybe check it out and see. There may be a scientific fact behind it and a slew of people with the same one trait.

   And to circle back to my meditation and pursuit of Zen. Yes, this helps. Any meditative activity, whether active like yoga or running, or sitting still in meditation reduces overall stress and anxiety that comes with being human.

   And reducing stress will decrease the startle reflex a bit. This much I have control over.

   The rest, I accept.

   Don’t forget to join me next week for another dose of support and inspiration. Until then, take care of yourselves, and take care of those who matter most.

   It’s Time to Take Control and Thrive!