Episode 45: Finding Hope in the Chaos: The Art of Possibility for Doctor Moms

Do you ever feel like you’ve lost control over something?

So, you lose hope.

Then hopelessness leads to inaction.

Inaction fosters a lack of control.

And the cycle continues.

Now, imagine a huge painting hanging in an art gallery.

One that takes up the whole wall, with spotlights and benches placed in front.   

It’s a masterpiece of creativity showcasing a crafted future that is rewarding, fulfilling, and satisfying.

This painting is your life.

You get to fill the canvas with whatever you choose.

It is painted by the art of possibility.

And you are holding the paintbrush.

Today, I will guide you through the art of possibility and how it can change your life by taking back control.

Turning Hopelessness into Hopefulness

Today, I am talking about when you feel a sense of being out of control over the immediate future. Like there is nothing you can do to change such a big problem. Hopelessness.

I recently received a book at a conference as a gift from William Miller, PhD, called 8 Ways to Hope, Charting a Path Through Uncertain Times.  

He gave away hundreds that day to the audience, and I am so glad because my attitude toward hope was a little jaded.  I needed this new perspective in my life.

I used to say that hope is a 4-letter word – but only to select people I trusted.

My criticism sounds harsh, right? It stems from a very difficult moment in my life with a loved one in the hospital and the physician saying they were “cautiously optimistic,” which I interpreted as false hope.

This loved one passed away, and I blamed the false hope fed to me for every minute we prolonged pain with treatment.

In retrospect, I now have self-compassion. I see that impossible decisions and situations need to unfold a little to even comprehend the options.

I also see that hope is absolutely not the enemy.

Without hope, how can we ever move forward?

Back to Bill Miller’s book on hope. He simplifies the science of hope into 8 paths of hope. Two of those have a profound connection and directly relate to what I talk about with doctor moms, which is taking back control so you can thrive.

The two categories of hope that have a reciprocal relationship are desire and possibility.

They are uniquely paired and I’m excited to talk about this relationship and how you can turn your desires into reality by fostering the art of possibility.

What do You Desire to Change as a Physician Mom?

One of the very first things I accomplish in my initial meeting with doctor moms is defining their goals.

Often these include: I want more time with my kids, I want time to read a book without guilt, or how do I manage ridiculous work pressure that I can’t seem to control?

Those are very clear goals and wants, right?

Now, the next step is to desire to change. You long for and crave it enough to want to do something about it. This is your “why,” according to Bill Miller.

This desire is your purpose, your meaning for change. But just wanting something doesn’t mean you act on it, right?

Someone can feel a strong desire for a better schedule, less stress, more control but still see no way to get these. They can still feel helpless.

This is where possibility comes in. Possibility is the “how” of gaining control and moving toward a goal.

Possibility is hope.

Master The Art of Possibility, Doc

I call this the art of possibility.

“I’m not an artist,” you say?

You don’t have to be a painter, artist, musician, or creative “type” person to master this art.

In fact, even if you identify only as a left brain, logical person you are still practicing the art of medicine, the art of motherhood, the art of being human in this crazy world.

So, it is not a far stretch then for you to master the art of possibility.

Allowing possibility in your life can be life changing. It was for me.

I remember a turning point in my life when I turned the impossible into possible.

In college, I figured out I wanted to go to medical school a little later than my pre-med classmates. They were all set on their pathway of prerequisites to apply for med school – I wasn’t, yet.

I was actually discouraged by a professor who tried to guide away from medical school, that it was too late to get everything in order for the application process.

This is laughable to me today! People take a million routes to get into med school, right?

Anyway, I went to my guidance counselor, that without hesitation said applying to med school was absolutely a possibility.

I still remember that moment. I felt like, wait, here is someone who believes in me when others didn’t. He encouraged me to believe in the possibility.

I became an anesthesiologist, had an amazing career taking care of patients when they are most vulnerable, and expanded my vision to integrative medicine and beyond.

Now, I still see endless possibilities.

Possibilities were and still are my how.

When you see a possibility it gives you direction to move toward your desire, or goal.

I wanted to be a doctor so much, but wanting didn’t move me any closer until I accepted the possibility of getting into med school.

How do you find your possibilities?

This is an art. The art is in how you allow yourself the option to succeed.

How do you believe in yourself enough to take a step?

Sometimes that comes from encouragement from someone else, like my guidance counselor in college. Sometimes that comes from within yourself.

Encourage yourself. I am encouraging you.

Every single woman I talk to has a deep reserve of power and control, they just need to know how to wield it. (Now I feel like I’m channeling Taylor Swift)

When you allow yourself to dream, to imagine, to creatively think of a way to reach your desires you create possibility.

When you create a possibility, you have define a pathway or the how to fill your desire. You accept that there is a way to make it happen. You accept that you are not helpless, or hopeless, you in fact, have control.

Often, this comes with stillness, introspection, self-compassion, and willingness to change perspective.

It may not be a quick answer or fix, it can be a process.

After all, learning to paint a masterpiece doesn’t happen overnight.

Ok. Now that you believe in the possibility, which is your how, you are ready for the next step.

Take the First Step, Momma!

Congratulations! The first step is you taking back control.

That step is of course different for everyone, for every different dream and desire.

There are some basic ground rules though, for figuring out what to do first.

• It will be small. Small means something simple and manageable – something doable.
• It will be something under your control. You don’t have to depend on someone else to help you start or play the odds you will get a free moment. Create the moment, make the time.
• It will be now, or very soon, like within the next 48 hours. And if you can only think of something that is 72 hours away, find an intermediate step to bridge that time gap. Whatever you do, just start moving.
• Now, commit by saying it out loud, telling a friend, writing it down. Make yourself accountable.

By taking this first step toward the possibility, you are demonstrating control.

You are acting on hope!

Today’s Simple Takeaways Summarized, Because You’re a Crazy Busy Doctor and Mother

Desire is your why. You want a change and are willing to act on it, even though there may be no clear direction.

Possibility is your how. When you open your mind to the art of possibility, you find direction.  

When you allow yourself to dream, to imagine, to creatively think of a way to reach your desires you create possibility.

And when you create possibility, you give yourself control over your own painting of life.

Then, you take the next step. I discussed basic ground rules of figuring out that next step, which are: making it small and doable, under your control, planned today or within 48 hours and commit with accountability.

Once you take that first step, plan the next one. These little steps are simpler, in planning I mean. Execution may take energy and mental strength – but that is what growth is all about.  

You will gain momentum, and will hit bumps in the road, but those are just bumps. Roll over them or around them and keep going.

You will find you can tolerate the cruddy stuff in life, because you have hope and a mission to pursue the possibilities.

Hopeful people are persistent people in finding ways to succeed.

You are one of them.

Don’t forget to join me next week for another dose of support and inspiration. Until then, take care of yourselves, and take care of those who matter most.

It’s Time to Take Control and Thrive!