Episode 46: You Are Human Too: Reclaim Your Humanity as a Physician Mom

My head nodded down in a microsecond of sleep – on Highway 290 in Chicago rush hour traffic.

I was heading home after a 24-hour call.

A year earlier, I would be falling asleep on the way to work on the mornings after a 36-hour call.

This was a way of life that I didn’t challenge.

Since medical school I was trained that my most basic needs, like food, sleep and a bathroom, were secondary.

The kicker is that the lessons I learned still affected my mindset years later. And it’s not just me!

Thankfully, I discovered how to slowly unravel those destructive patterns.

And you can too.

My message today is simple, don’t ignore your humanness.

You can unlearn these habits and prioritize your health.

Listen in and I’ll show you how.

Time to Unravel Lessons from Medicine that Harm Your Well Being

It starts early.

Medical students are essentially taught to ignore hunger and thirst, and exhaustion. They’re taught to tough it out because service to the patients comes first.

I didn’t argue or get upset; I had no choice.

Instead, I learned ways to cope. I would make sure to call someone to talk with me through that stretch of highway that lulled me to sleep.

I would not drink water, so I didn’t have to beg a colleague to get me out of the OR for a bathroom break. (That looked weak.)

I made sure to eat at home before heading to work, even when I wasn’t hungry.

I was taught to ignore basic needs of sleep, food and getting to run to a bathroom.

The situation seemed temporary. It was just my training years; I could handle it.

But the problem is that the repeated pattern of ignoring my own human needs left a mark.

It created pathways in my brain that became habits.  

So, it goes beyond training and continues to the first day as an attending, and beyond.

Not very temporary, right?

By the time I was an attending, there were other seemingly good reasons to ignore my needs.

“I am the newbie and want to be strong,” or “I need to pull my weight and not ask for help.”

I was just as busy, in fact more so, than as a resident.

So, I keep pushing myself aside for the greater cause of being a good doctor.

I was a good doctor – that slowly deprives herself of basic needs.

It sounds sinister when I look back now. And it was.

Now, here’s the good news, the turning point, the juicy stuff.

Those old patterns of thought can be changed. Focus can be changed to prioritize your own basic needs.

And the answer is in you. You are a master, a doctor, of human physiology.

Take a moment to turn your expert lens on yourself.

Time to take control of the lesson plan.

The New Lesson Plan Includes You, Doc

Turn the expert lens on yourself. Do a quick mental workup and discover which of your basic human needs cries for attention.

This is a change of mindset, right?

Unfortunately, it often takes a tough lesson to change perspective.  

I want to illustrate with a more lighthearted story.

This is a true tale about my fledgling attempts at being a real gardener.

Last Spring, I headed to the local nursery, as I’ve done for the past 5-6 years.

I get all excited and convince my daughter to come along and pick plants for herself.

So we loaded up with flowers, herbs and veggies.

That day, I picked up the cutest little watermelon plant. Perfect! We love watermelon, and a friend had a wildly successful plant in town, so the climate is good!

I bought a ground planter to wedge into a small area of our rather small backyard.

(If you’ve grown watermelons before or just have basic knowledge of how that cute little plant could grow, you can guess what happened.)

It took over a large section of my backyard, crawling across the pavement and dipping into the pool – despite my frequent trimming.

I loved it! I researched how to prune the vines and look for the male and female flowers.

Several watermelons sprung up, almost overnight!

I invested time in cutting out pockets of screening material to encase each one for protection.

They looked incredible! Just like real watermelons. Until I proudly plucked one and brought it inside.

When I cut it open, it was pale pink, had no smell and tasted, well awful.

You know what I had neglected?

The soil.

Hours of work and moments of pride over how good they looked, but inside they were pale and lacking flavor.

They didn’t have the foundation for a good tasting watermelon.

This scenario reminds me of many doctor moms. They look good on the outside, but they are lacking nutrition and sustenance from food, sleep and healthy habits.

The answer for me as a gardener was to shift my focus to the nitty gritty details of soil Ph and nutrients, which was hard.

The answer for a doctor mom is to shift her mindset to the basic foundation of health, which includes self-care.

How to Learn to Shift Your Mindset and Nourish Yourself First

Nourishing yourself just makes physiological sense.

With careers in medicine, you and I know this.

But it’s hard to feel the drive to prioritize things that we are engrained to ignore.

This is where a mindset shift comes in.

The day you no longer ignore your humanness may happen with a loud aha moment – like a set of lab results with abnormal numbers.

Or you hear the quiet whispers from your body telling you to please pay attention.

For me it is the latter of these two.

I hear or feel those small thoughts about drinking more water, so I don’t get kidney stones, or pulling myself away from the computer to exercise because that is more important at the time.

I challenge you to think about your body like that watermelon – and I mean this in the kindest way.

Without the right soil, I crafted a beautiful watermelon that lacked a vital component of taste.

Without the right nourishment of your human body, you may have a crafted life that is amazing, without the inner capacity to fully enjoy it and thrive.

Nutrition comes first.

The mindset shift is away from thinking about time for basic needs is a luxury and towards it being a necessity.

You are human and require nourishment to function.

Taking care of yourself is an investment, it takes planning and sacrifice.

The good news is that it’s not all or nothing. There is a gradient of well-being.

I like to show clients a picture of a wheel of wellbeing. It has multiple spokes that are important for the big picture of wellness.

They include things like sleep, exercise, nutrition, environment, and relationships, to name a few.

Maybe there are just one or two areas of your life that are taking a hit right now, like nutrition. Maybe your diet sucks because you have no time for meal prep, to shop for good food, or breaks in the day to sit and eat.

Ok, this is your area to nourish.

Maybe your challenging area is relationships with other people, at work or home. Your inner voice may be hinting that setting firm boundaries will work wonders on your peace of mind and free up precious time.

All the spokes on the wellness wheel contribute to being a healthy human.

What areas come to mind that you would love to nourish?  

Choose Yourself Today, Mom

It’s time to unravel those old school lessons from training and the competitive driving nature of medicine.

Don’t ignore your humanity, like the culture of medicine seems to instill.

It’s time to shift your mindset and re-prioritize your own health.

As a physician, you have so much knowledge about what to do.

You can start now!

Start with a simple thought. That’s it.

What is one thing you can do today that would make an impact?  (For me this is to drink an extra 2 cups of water.)

Now, what will you add tomorrow?

I would love to hear your thoughts! You can always email me at cindy@InspiredMomMDs.com.

Don’t forget to join me next week for another dose of support and inspiration. Until then, take care of yourselves, and take care of those who matter most.

It’s Time to Take Control and Thrive!