How to Stop Feeling Lazy: Let Go of Doctor Mom Guilt and Pressure

Episode 61: How to Stop Feeling Lazy: Let Go of Doctor Mom Guilt and Pressure

Lazy is a 4-letter word I’ve stripped from my vocabulary.

Gone.

Why? Because it’s not an accurate description of what’s really happening when I sit on the couch and scroll my phone or stare out the window.

Those moments aren’t laziness, they’re survival.

But the second I sit down, mom guilt for feeling lazy creeps in like clockwork.

Even if I’ve been up since 4:50 AM, driven hours in traffic, and given every ounce of focus to patient care – even then, sitting down feels wrong.

Especially when the house is buzzing and one of my kids asks me to explain how mitochondria work.

That guilt? It’s not because I’m lazy. It’s because I’ve been conditioned to believe rest = weakness.

Today, I’m pulling back the blindfold on what “lazy” really means for high-achieving women.

And I can tell you: it has absolutely nothing to do with a character flaw.

The Double Standard of Laziness

I find it odd that one can both vilify and honor laziness in one sentence.

I long for a lazy Saturday sipping coffee in bed but get anxiety when feel so lazy when I take a nap after work.

Or, a lazy day at the beach is a dream, but reading a book from my favorite author on a weekday is off limits.

How can this term be both desirable and detestable?

The term lazy is fraught with contradictions.

And, in the wrong setting, it blinds women to the real underlying problem, or I should say problems. The word lazy is a false label. Doctor moms aren’t lazy, they’re incredible productive, driven, brilliant humans!

Today I am talking about the problem with this label, the problems it hides and what to do about it.

The Harmful Impact of Self-Labeling: Why ‘Lazy’ Hurts More Than Helps

The labels hurt. Ther are easy, spur of the moment decisions that can have unfortunate consequences.

Laziness is often thought of as this lack of motivation or willingness to exert energy for everyday tasks of daily living.

Doctor moms flat out don’t have the energy to exert, though they have no shortage of motivation!

This feeling of being lazy is a symptom of something greater. And to slap a label on yourself, or others judging you maybe just with their eyes just perpetuates the stigma that you don’t care.

And when you keep calling yourself a lazy mom for not doing X. Y or Z, this can become a habit.

It reinforces a fixed mindset that sitting down to rest is somehow not acceptable.

I used to have a hard time with this. I would be so dang exhausted and only wanted to lay down for a quick nap but wouldn’t because of that creeping mom guilt for feeling lazy, like somehow resting made me less worthy or responsible.

There was so much to do, and when everyone else in the house was busy being productive by comparison, laying down made me anxious.

My mind would race over all the things I need to so and not enough time to do them.

I would feel frustrated because resting now meant running around in high gear later to get my bag packed, make dinner, breakfast and pack a “lunch”.  (Lunch means the food I eat in traffic on the way home because who are we kidding, there is no lunch break.)

And this distracts from the real reason for exhaustion and inactivity. This label is misinterpreting your real underlying needs.

Ans what are those, you may ask?

Beyond Laziness: Identifying Burnout, Perfectionism, and Societal Pressures.

Societal expectations are deeply rooted in high achieving women.

Busy physician moms have a lot of people depending on them and with each person comes a list of obligations, good and bad. You do need to reply to critical emails and show up for board or committee meetings. You also do need to bathe your kiddos and read them a bedtime story, so good!

So, when you sit down and put your feet up, some may snicker at even the idea, it doesn’t sit right. (pun totally intended).

Instead of rest and recovery, this action implies lack of ambition or falling down on responsibilities. That doesn’t feel good.

You’re not weak, you’re human.

Cultural beliefs, expectations and values may have a big influence. 

How were you raised? Were you treated differently and held to higher, or lower expectations than boys? While you can’t change how you were raised, you can choose how you raise your kids.

There are multiple other reasons for feeling unproductive. 

Many high achieving moms lean toward personality traits and tendencies that won’t let them just sit down and rest.

These can include perfectionism, imposter syndrome and procrastination. And burnout is a driving cause of feeling lazy when you’re too stressed and exhausted to think clearly.

Tap into the etiology for feeling lazy! Any number of these factors I just listed may be the cause of “I’m not doing enough-ness.” 

Here are some ideas on what you can do, today by considering 3 R’s.

The 3 R’s: Recognize, Reframe, Rest – A Strategy for Overcoming ‘Lazy’ Guilt

Recognizing your thought patterns in the moment is key – otherwise you just keep repeating them and you almost kick yourself for thinking and feeling this way after the fact.

How? Just by bringing it to the foreground, the conscious part of your brain, like you are now. Think of one setting where you find yourself feeling lazy, or whatever word you use to describe it. Next time this happens you’re primed to recognize it.

Now, what might the real reason be? This is the next step, which is to reframe the thought of feeling unproductive or lazy. Challenge your thinking and offer yourself compassion. Set more realistic expectations.

When I used to come home from work, I would feel guilty and lazy for sitting down too long. And by too long I mean over 5 minutes. If I sat there while my house swirled with activity and questions for me, dinner needs to be prepped, I should really walk 20 minutes, and the dog is asking to go outside.

Ack! To sit through all this felt like I was ignoring my family and responsibilities. And that mom guilt for feeling lazy would hit hard, like I was doing something wrong just by sitting still for five minutes.

Now it is different.

Reframe your thoughts. Now I reframe my thoughts when they pop in my head. I set the realistic framework that yes, I woke up at 4:50 AM, drove a combined total of 1 ½ to 2 ½ hours in traffic and hyper focused my attention on my surgical patient all day.

Now that I’m home, you bet your bottom I’m going to rest before jumping into more work, barring any sort of emergency or extreme urgency from the family. Like, yes, I’ll get up and let the dog out if I’m alone. I’m not crazy and seriously don’t want to clean up a puddle she would gift me for ignoring her.

Allow yourself to rest. Once I reframed my thoughts, I allowed myself to rest. I recognized that to enjoy my evening and get the essentials done without grumbling I would need rest.

You see, this feeling of laziness is a signal from your mind. It’s telling you, no screaming at you that your mind and your body are overworked, and you need rest. 

Next week I’m going to unpack more ideas of how the heck to achieve this rest without the guilt when everyone needs you. Please come back for episode 62.

Redefining Rest: Embracing Self-Care Without Guilt

In wrapping up, it’s crucial to recognize that the label “lazy” often masks deeper issues like burnout, perfectionism, and societal pressures.

For physician moms, the relentless pursuit of excellence can make rest feel undeserved.

However, understanding and addressing these underlying factors is essential for well-being. By recognizing harmful thought patterns, reframing our mindset, and allowing ourselves to rest, you can lessen the mom guilt.

Identifying your etiology for feeling lazy is a huge step. Join me next week, on Episode 62, where I talk about the blissful idea of slowing down.

Until then, take care of yourselves, and take care of those who matter most.

It’s Time to Take Control and Thrive!