EPISODE: 16
How Do Physician Moms Say Goodbye to Things that Define Them?
InspiredMomMDs.com/16
Losing Identity as a Physician Mom: How You Can Move Forward After Losing Part of Your Identity
Episode 16: How Do Physician Moms Say Goodbye to Things that Define Them?
Have you ever lost part of your identity?
There’re all sorts of ways to lose your identity. You may spend 20 years in your specialty and then leave clinical medicine all together. Or maybe lose something a bit less dramatic, but equally important.
Take, for example, a physician mom excelling in many areas of life, including a sport or an activity. What happens when she physically can’t continue after needing surgery and rehab on her knee, shoulder, or back?
There can be a sense of mourning for her old self. And there may be a real loss of identity. In this case:
“I’m a marathon runner!”
But she’s not, not anymore.
Not only is it hard to say goodbye to something she loves, but now even the mirror reflects a change.
Nothing else measures up to that consistent workout high and feeling strong and healthy. In short, she feels defeated.
Though it feels insurmountable, you can climb out of this new valley of not feeling yourself. You can find a new “something” – a new identity.
My Change from Super Fit Mom to Healthy Mom
A few summers ago, I was launched into a new stage of my fitness life, totally against my will. I experienced multiple herniated thoracic discs that wouldn’t allow me to sit for more than 15 min, or lay down in any position for more than maybe 30 min. The only relief was standing. So, I stood, or kneeled all day, and just about all night.
This ridiculous amount of pain resulted, I think, from years of intense workouts, karate, kickboxing, and a short period of heavy weightlifting. I got the runners high from going “beast mode” my whole life. It felt great!
All this grinded to a halt that summer. My back said nope, no more. And just like that, I lost my beast mode identity. Now what?
I saw all the people, doctors and Airrosti folks for myofascial release and rehab exercises. I could get through this, I thought. I just put my membership on pause, I’d be back.
He told me I can never lift overhead weights again, or run, or go back to my workout class. I was told walking was the only answer. Incredible. I argued with him. I grabbed my upper arm (I was wearing a sleeveless dress) and told him I would lose all this definition! His answer was a shrug.
What then?
This is who I am.
I can’t just stop working out and walk the rest of my life, can I? Losing a fit identity was hard to accept.
2 Things Medical School Never Taught Me
First, we will have seasons in our lives.
Have y’all read those quotes about people you meet – where they blow in and out of your world like the seasons? Some drop in, teach you a valuable lesson, and then drift away.
Well, I would argue our bodies have seasons too. Physician moms choose a rigorous life of med school and residency, then work and build a stable family. It makes sense they also go for their best at fitness.
But it’s not always realistic to maintain that level of fitness for decades. An injury or change in the ability to run, or lift weights is a transition in seasons. What do you think?
Second, step over physical adversity and keep moving forward.
I had to quit fixating on my past self and find a new path. I now refocus that energy on creating new workout routines that keep me strong.
I allow myself to enjoy the memories and how I used to feel. No one can take those away. I still have that identity.
The key for me is this: don’t allow the memories to keep you from moving forward. Don’t mourn for them, celebrate them as you trot off to a new class!
How Do You Find a New Identity?
Accept and honor your body, mind, and experiences. Make conscious choices to swivel your thoughts forward to a proud future. Finding your new, rewarding path.
I’m curious about your experiences leaving an identity behind. What was it and how did you move on? Or perhaps you still struggle a bit.
We have seasons in our lives. Not everyone can be a marathon runner at age 65.
Absorbing a new identity may feel uncomfortable. But at the core you are still you! You haven’t lost anything. You’ve gained precious experience – some that others would be so lucky to have!
Finding your new you. Call it “Me.2”, or “Me – My Better Self!” I’m sure you can create a more fitting phrase. Just know it can be done and can be rewarding – just different.
I’m in no way as fit as I was 5 years ago. I just can’t do those crazy intense workouts. It takes more time to exercise now to get good benefits, and that’s ok.
I’ll admit, I frequently miss the way things were, but now I let those thoughts go more quickly. I acknowledge them just long enough to placate my brain, and then move along.
I am a new person today than even a few years ago. I celebrate that and I’m looking forward to my brisk hilly walk on the treadmill later today.
It’s Time to Take Control and Thrive!
About Cindy Van Praag, MD, NBC-HWC
Wellness Advocate for Physician Moms
Cindy talks about the current climate of practicing medicine while juggling the roles of mom, wife, daughter, and more. She brings a fresh pair of eyes and guidance for common situations physician moms face daily. In Inspired Mom MDs Podcast, Cindy delivers a fresh perspective and actionable steps to take agency and elevate your power. Listen on your favorite podcast app!
