Episode 30: Redefine Success: How Doctor Moms Can Break Free from Labels

“What do you do?”

It’s an inevitable question to get a picture of who I am.

When people ask my kids, they just answer “Doctor.”

And there you go; I am defined by one all-encompassing word.

Doctor has weight to it, right?

But it also has hidden meaning – a debt often paid with health and well-being.

This rigid persona was my whole identity for years. This one definition held me back from following my gut, my passions.

Who I am now?

I am a physician who is also an entrepreneur, a coach, and a podcaster. I want to show my kids we are never defined by one career choice.

I am now more malleable; I am a shape shifter.

Does your role as a doctor hold you back from following your dreams?

Today, I talk about redefining the definition of self; of becoming a shape shifter.

I Let “Doctor” Define Me for Too Long

It’s no secret, physicians work hard. They signed up for it too, right?

Well, no, not all of it. There are so many hidden clauses to that contract medical students unwittingly sign.

They strive for a career in medicine with the promise of helping others and making a difference.

A gap exists between the idealized expectations of a medical career and the often-harsh realities that physicians face.

Imagine signing up for a marathon. You know it will be challenging, but you’re prepared for the physical demands.

However, once you start running this race, you discover hidden obstacles: adverse weather, a lack of support from spectators, you may have suffered a stress fracture in your foot, and surprise, you will lose a toenail. What?

These unforeseen challenges can significantly impact your experience and your ability to finish the race.

Back to the physician career, as the marathon. Doctors know it will be demanding, just not aware of all the hidden challenges.

These hidden obstacles can include excessive workload, administrative burdens, long hours, emotional stress, and the constant pressure to provide perfect care.

Lack of support is ever present by feeling undervalued or invalidated by their institutions, colleagues, and yes, even patients.

The unforeseen challenge and obstacles aged me. I could almost imagine my telomeres shortening abnormally fast as I defended my role and stayed the course in medicine.

For those listening who haven’t heard of telomeres, they are the end cap sequence of DNA on our chromosomes that shorten with age. They somewhat define how long we live and can be affected by lifestyle changes.

And yet, I kept doing it, knowing the harm my daily life inflicted on my body. I was defined by my role as an anesthesiologist. I couldn’t change that, right? Not after all that sacrifice.

I felt I should feel honored to practice, not yearning to leave or cut back.

As I got older, my body couldn’t keep up. And more importantly, neither could my mind – my satisfaction with my return on investment was not there. It wasn’t worth it anymore to bleed out all my energy toward being a full-time physician.

Because now, I was also a wife, a mother, and a daughter who needed to support her parents.

Life changed, so should I. And I did – best decision ever.

I finally stepped back my practice hours to part time. I added a fellowship training in integrative medicine, which had called to me for over 10 years.  I then added the integrative coaching after having a life changing turn with having a coach myself!

I follow my passion now. I also keep up with taking classes, because I can. And the topics are fascinating!

In truth, I am actually busier now but it’s different. I call the shots. I create my schedule. I plan in time for myself. Oddly being busier is less stressful because I am so much happier.

How do you loosen the rigid definition of being a physician?

You can change or adjust to new passions or values. Your definition of who you are, that you formed years ago, should not hold you back.

Three Steps to Redefine Yourself to a Happier You

Shape shift, become more adaptive to your new body, age, interests! Here are 3 ideas to get started:

• • Acceptance – we can find fulfillment beyond medicine!
  • As much as smart phones are distracting us from real life, they do have enormous benefits. One of those is community with other doctors.
  • In my own experience I have run across multiple groups of physicians with interests outside of medicine. They may want a side gig or to get out partially, like me, or leave all together. You choose, and you will find a group to support you.
  • Knowing all these other docs exist with the same thoughts and desires as I helped me accept that I wasn’t crazy. I realized I can follow my passion even if it doesn’t involve the nuts and bolts of medicine.
  • I accepted that I wasn’t happy, and I did have an option to change. I could embrace my wide range of interests and passions.
  • Willingness to take a step toward happiness – which comes from within.
  • My comfort zone in medicine was great because it was predictable; almost snuggly and warm. But I was unhappy, what good did that do me?
  • Stepping outside of a comfort zone feels risky with the unknown and “what ifs” that pop up.
  • But choose your hard.
  • It’s either stay and be unhappy in a predictable path or feel uneasy and take step toward following your values and happiness.
  • Some docs do seek support. Those physician groups are once place, but they also ask for help from friends, family, or a therapist.
  • A support system can provide perspective, a way to process emotions, and develop strategies for coping with stress.
  • Rewrite your definition of who you are.
  • It’s important to recognize the value of hard work, regardless of external validation the word “physician” receives, though less so these days maybe.
  • Don’t get me wrong, for years I did feel good when people would be impressed with my career. I felt appreciated.
  • I learned internal validation was more important, and someone else’s reaction to my career neither elevates nor diminishes my hard work.
  • Truthfully, I am much more impressed by the people who figured out how to follow their happy. And I know they’re telling the truth, because you can see it on their face!
  • They are passionate, smiling, and exude youthful energy.
  • They are flexible – they are shape shifters!

You are Not Defined by Your 21-yr Old Self!

Your worth isn’t tied to a single career decision made back at age 21.

If you’re sacrificing your health and happiness for a job position that doesn’t align with your goals, maybe it’s time to change something, no matter how small.

Your journey is unique. Trust your instincts and make choices that prioritize your happiness and fulfillment.

Your worth isn’t defined by past choices. The sunk cost fallacy can make us feel obligated to stick with something, even if it’s no longer fulfilling. Tune in to episode 31 for a deeper dive.

In summary, accept you can find fulfillment beyond your current role, be willing to take a step toward happiness, and clearly define who you are, today.

You have permission to change. You can learn to mold your life to a new definition of you – become a shape shifter.

And don’t forget to join me next week for another dose of support and inspiration. Until then, take care of yourselves, and take care of those who matter most.

It’s Time to Take Control and Thrive!