Episode 48: The ‘Have It All’ Myth: A Journey to What Matters for Doctor Moms

Imagine a world where the promise of ‘having it all’ isn’t a roadmap to success, but a trap that drains your spirit.

This is all too common and it was for me.

When I was young, I firmly believed that women could have it all.

I had no doubt that through hard work I would have the career, the house, the family all on a pretty little timeline.

And I believed I could enjoy myself while doing it all.

Until I ran myself into burnout.

I thought checking off all the boxes meant happiness. What I neglected was checking in with what really matters.  

It’s never too early, or too late, to align your life’s plan with your values, dreams and what you love.

It’s never too soon to choose a path that’s meaningful and intentional.

Today I will show you how to follow your internal compass toward what really matters. And that is the key to thriving in this brief, but beautiful life we are given.

My Mirage on a Hot Highway as a Young Doctor

When I was little, our family vacations consisted of road trips, in the summer, with no air conditioning.

My dad outfitted our little Toyota pickup truck with a carpeted back and benches to sit and store things. My brother and I would slide open the side windows of the camper shell and lay down with our decks of cards playing “War” as we drove through the hot Arizona desert on up to Chicago to visit family.

Funny how I don’t remember being hot and uncomfortable, but I do remember staring forward through the front cab at the road, perched up on my elbows.

It was wavy with heat and stretched far into the horizon. It felt like any minute we would be driving straight through the watery puddle of a mirage.

What an enticing illusion in the middle of a hot desert – rather cruel, don’t you think?

I compare ‘having it all’ to that mirage, an illusion, and a cruel one at that.

It’s cruel because you can see it with your own eyes, just out of grasp, and yet it’s completely false.

Fast forward to college, and then medical school and even residency when I fell for that illusion.

I was completely convinced that as a woman I could have it all.

I would have a thriving career, sock away money in retirement, have a beautiful family, supportive friend groups and time for fun stuff in life, like traveling.

That was my mirage.

What it didn’t show were the overwhelming expectations of a medical career, and the roles of mom and wife.

It didn’t account for the injustices that face women, from how they are treated in the workforce from microaggressions to pay discrepancies.

It didn’t account for my own internal driving expectations that warp and skew my reality with perfectionism and imposter syndrome.

These unmet expectations came with a cost too.

They led to mental overload, feeling less than, self-doubt, and overwork to keep up with all my goals and ultimately, burnout.

It distracted me from what truly matters.

My bright eyed and rosy colored view of the future didn’t pan out; it was an illusion.

It led me straight to burnout.

Some, or much of what I experienced may resonate with you.

This begs the question, if it’s all an illusion, what are we left with?

The answer is what truly matters.

I learned not to chase that illusion and follow my own inner compass.

Focus on What Truly Matters as a Physician Mom

Focusing on what truly matters is achieved with realignment. It is the conscious or unconscious decision to follow your inner compass.

What if instead of chasing every expectation, you ask yourself, “What truly resonates with me versus what is expected of me?”

That shift in perspective is realignment when you follow your core values. It is a way to weed through the messaging and pick what is true for you.

And when you follow your core values, you follow your roadmap to wellbeing, not some ideal of having it all – because that is a mirage.

A Road Map to Realign with your Spirit and Values

When you clearly define your destination, every decision becomes a step toward a life that feels intentional and rewarding.

This may sound a bit vague, so I want to walk through the process of following your compass toward wellbeing.

I’m going back to the road trip analogy to make it more memorable.

I have so much to say about each of these areas that I am going to devote a podcast episode for each step of this road trip.

I’m calling this series Chart Your True North: Realignment with What Matters Most for Doctor Moms.  

Today, is the overview to realign yourself to what matters most. It will get you thinking about the steps involved with how to feel good in your body, mind and spirit do you thrive in life.

Think of this as taking a road trip and all the steps and planning that involves.

This is a journey away from the illusion of ‘having it all’ toward a more authentic, value-driven path.

Hop in and let’s go!

Set Your Destination: Clarify Your Priorities

Take some quiet time to pinpoint your core values and identify what truly matters to you. This is always the first step when I talk to physician moms, and it is so important.

It’s not a trivial exercise.

List out what you truly love in life, are proud of. What is your purpose in life, your mission? How does your own wellbeing and self-care factor into your values?

The next episode of Inspired Mom MDs, number 49, is devoted to this topic. Be sure to come on back.

Fuel Up: Prioritize Self-Care

Self- care is your fuel for this journey of life. It’s like essential maintenance for your body and mind. No wonder moms describe themselves as “running on empty” when they give and give with no time to recharge.

Self-care ensures well-being, which is non-negotiable!

It’s well known here in 2025 that self-care is important. The hard part is prioritizing self-care in a chaotic world. That will be the full discussion in the upcoming episode on fueling your tank by prioritizing self-care.  

Plot Your Route: Establish Firm Boundaries

Now when you’re fueled up, and your destination is in sight, it’s time to map out your route. This means choosing which commitments align with your goals and learning to say no to detours that only lead to distraction.

Establishing firm boundaries will protect yourself from overcommitment.  You can say no to obligations that pull you away from your true priorities.

Tune in to the upcoming boundaries episode for much more on this topic.

Check Your Compass: Schedule Regular Reflection

Regular reflection is checking in with your internal compass. It guides you back to your true north whenever life’s unexpected turns try to pull you off course.

It means revisiting your list from step one of setting your destination and clarifying your priorities. Check that list of what matters most to you, what you value and love. Is your destination on track? Or maybe you want to make some adjustments – totally reasonable since you’re not the same person as when you started out, right?

Everyday experiences change us in such a multitude of ways that they help us to remain flexible. This brings me to my next step.

Adapt to Roadblocks: Embrace Flexibility

Even the best-planned routes encounter roadblocks.

When obstacles arise, be willing to adjust your course and explore alternative paths that still lead you toward your destination.

Cue flexibility!

Each roadblock is an opportunity to discover a new, perhaps even better, route to your goals.

They are an agonizing, sometimes scary part of the journey that can also be a gift in disguise.

Expect them and have the tools to navigate around, or over them!

Review Your Dashboard: Monitor Progress and Celebrate Success

Just as you check your car’s dashboard for signs of progress, regularly review your milestones and goals.

This is when you get to celebrate success!

You deserve to celebrate the big and small wins that propel you along your journey.

And you can start today by celebrating success. Take a moment and inventory in your mind everything you’ve already accomplished. Turn around as see how far you’ve come, the paths you took, the roadblocks you learned from.

Then swivel forward and apply those lessons to choices you make today.

Its Time Throw the “Have it All” Mentality Out the Window, Doc!

It’s time to throw the ‘have it all’ mentality out the window and focus on what really matters. It’s time to drop unrealistic expectations, open our eyes to the hidden costs, and pivot away from the illusion.

This can be done by realigning yourself to your values, dreams and what you love.

Today, I took you on a road trip analogy for how to do this.

Here is a summary.

Set your destination by clarifying your priorities. What will you put in your Waze, or Apple Maps for your desired destination?

Fuel up by making self-care non-negotiable.

Plan your route by setting boundaries.

Check your compass with time for regular reflection.

Embrace flexibility with roadblocks and obstacles.

Review your dashboard and celebrate success.

Here’s the thing, you don’t have to take this all on yourself. It’s absolutely ok to need and ask for help.

Taking on one more chore is not my intention, it’s to take away that which doesn’t serve you to make room for that which does.

It’s redirecting your energy in a way that is more fulfilling.

It’s taking care of yourself first so you show up in the world the best human you can.

And that means asking for help sometimes, even doctors with a do-it-all mentality.

Think of how powerful teams are versus one person. There is power in community too. If that clicks with you, start a carpool. Load up your car with friends, family, mentors, coaches or therapists and get a move on!

This is the start of Charting Your True North Mini-series.

Check in next week, episode 49, when I dive deep on the first step of setting your destination by clarifying your priorities and mission.  

Until then, take care of yourselves, and take care of those who matter most.

It’s Time to Take Control and Thrive!