Lonely in Medicine? The Science Every Doctor Mom Should Know

Episode 58: Lonely in Medicine? The Science Every Doctor Mom Should Know

Have you ever felt lonely… even in a crowded room? Like you’re doing all the things, but something still feels off? Disengaged. Worn thin. A little invisible. You’re not alone. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re just ready for something deeper. And what you might be missing… is connection. Not just avoiding loneliness but actively building what fills you up. Because social connection doesn’t just make life sweeter, it makes life longer. It protects your body. It lifts your mind. It calms your nervous system. And today, I’m going to show you how to bring more of it in, in a way that fits your real life. Because this isn’t about adding more to your to-do list. It’s about finally feeling like yourself again.

Why Loneliness Threatens Physician Well-Being

Loneliness and social isolation harm us. Why talk about this now? Covid brought a flurry of research on loneliness, and rightly so. But just because the lockdown is behind us, this is a relevant topic today. Before a pandemic forced us into literal social isolation, The World Health Organization had already declared loneliness as a major health concern in 2019. And then COVID hit. By 2023 the U.S. Surgeon General released an advisory denouncing the “epidemic of loneliness.” This trend started at least 20 years ago and got fast-tracked with the viral pandemic of COVID. Now, as the data grows and the neuroscience of social connection is unveiled, it’s easier to see the big picture. It’s easier to connect the dots between how behavior affects health and most importantly, what to do about it. The WHO’s definition of wellness is so relevant to what I personally believe, I’m even toying with the idea of making it into a plaque, or embroidering it on a pillow. It states health is the “state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.” I want it to be a constant reminder to everyone of the importance of tending to the mind, the physical body and the emotional, social and spiritual health.

How does Social Connection Help Physician Moms?

Discussions about wellness often focus on nutrition, diet, exercise, and habits – predictable topics. One topic is missing – loneliness. Many high-achieving women, especially physician moms, experience social isolation and loneliness at higher rates than many other groups. See if these reasons why resonate with you.

• High achievement leaves less time for connection. A 2020 study in JAMA Network Open found that over 40% of physicians reported feeling lonely, and women were disproportionately affected.
• A professional identity can mask loneliness. It’s hard to admit struggle when physicians are often seen as having it together. Check out Episode 57 where I talk about the mask of a perfect doctor mom.
• Medicine’s culture fuels disconnection. It normalizes overwork and the sense that you need to tough it out on your own.
• Motherhood adds another level of isolation. There is an in-between experience where there is a distance from work peers and a whole new crowd of the mom community to join.

These reasons for isolation can create a perfect storm of professional pressure, emotional labor of motherhood and a recurring pattern of loneliness, which can become chronic. This lack of community is a key factor in burnout. Thus, strengthening community for doctor moms is a vital step in the broad process of managing burnout. That is why I feel it is so important to talk about today, and the next day, and the next. Feeling like you belong is a huge boost to your wellbeing. As an advocate for physician wellness, I feel addressing loneliness and social isolation is crucial. This is a fascinating topic that I honestly didn’t think applied to me much. My personality type lends to more isolation by choice. I identify as a sensitive empathic person that is also an introvert, some may consider a triple whammy! But these things aren’t bad, they are strong and beautiful characteristics that happen to have a learning curve. Harnessing these strengths is a subject for another episode, for sure. The rest of this episode will cover what qualifies as being connected and awareness to identify what constitutes as isolation or loneliness. Then it will cover actionable steps to be more connected. And I’ll add a final note on social media and how that plays into all of this.

Understanding Social Connection: What It Is, Why It Matters, and How to Strengthen It

Social connection that fits your style will improve your wellbeing. Absence of loneliness helps but did you know that actively increasing connection not only improves wellbeing, but is protective? You get more return on wellness when focusing on strengthening connection versus just avoiding isolation. This protective effect increases odds of survival by 50% whereas avoiding loneliness would avoid risk of earlier death by up to 32%. (This data is from a review paper in 2021 from Brigham Young University.)

What is Social Connection?

There is a continuum of social connection that’s important to understand. First, a person may be homebound where they never or rarely leave their home. Then there is social isolation which is objectively being alone, such as having few relationships or social interactions. Last, there is loneliness which is a subjective experience. Loneliness is a negative experience where a person either has inadequate connections with people, or there is a discrepancy between what they desire and what they have. As you can imagine, this is a complex topic with a lot of moving parts. Is there a structure to form relationships and if so, are they available to that person. Also, interaction with someone may not be positive but downright negative! So, having interactions and relationships does not guarantee a connection.

The First Step of Becoming Aware of Triggers

Social isolation and loneliness do not discriminate. They occur across all ages, income, gender and living situations. This is a broad statement. Of course, there are exceptions and variability. For example, I came across a study from 2020 showing that the peak age of loneliness is 19. That hits close to my heart as my 18-year-old is about to head off to college this year. I can see how leaving home would contribute to loneliness, but I also see how easy it is for younger people to form friendships when in such close proximity with their peers at college. There are several unique factors to keep on your radar for when you or a loved is at a greater risk of loneliness. These include the expected mental and physical health conditions. And they also include those life transitions from the unwanted (death, divorce, or job loss) to the wanted (marriage, birth of a little one and retirement).

There are Evidence-Based Approaches to Help Mitigate Loneliness

• You can start with the individual. There are things you can do, alone that will have a positive effect on the subjective feelings of social isolation and loneliness. I think the word “subjective” is so important to recognize. This means it is within your power to change how you respond to feelings. This lends more control to outcomes.
• One example is a gratitude practice, which I talked about in Episode 39. Gratitude shifts your focus from what’s missing to what’s meaningful. It quietly bridges the gap between loneliness and connection.
• Mindfulness-based meditation is immensely helpful too. There was a small study that showed not only did mindfulness-based stress reduction practice reduce loneliness, but it reduces pro-inflammatory gene expression.
• Spending time with creative arts and expression is another outlet, if that is something you enjoy.
• Healthy behaviors reduce the likelihood of loneliness. These include eating healthier, exercising regularly and getting enough sleep.
• Social engagement with informal groups will increase social interaction. This could include joining a church social group, volunteering for a cause you are passionate about, from food banks to animal shelters to social advocacy to bringing elderly food in their homes.
• In fact, providing support for others may have a greater benefit that receiving support.
• Simply spending more time outdoors in your neighborhood or going out where you have brief interactions with people is helpful. You don’t have to have long sit-down coffee dates with a friend to feel less lonely – you can have several short positive interactions with people that evoke smiles.

Ok, so I’ve talked about individual approaches to mitigate loneliness to interactions with other people in person. What do you think about social media? Does that count?

A Special Note on Social Media and Subjective Loneliness

I’m so thankful for technology and the incredible way it connects people. For many tech-savvy people, Facetime and Zoom have replaced handwritten letters. Grandparents get to “see” their grandkids’ milestones. Social media is interesting as it broadens the community to people you would have never met or interacted with. There are vast communities online that share ideologies, hobbies and life situations. These shared experiences are a form of social interaction, no doubt. But the double-edged sword of social media also fuels comparison with others, fear of missing out (FOMO) and superficial interactions. I just learned about the new field of cyberpsychology, which is the study of psychological effects of technology on human behavior. I’m so fascinated by this field and would love to have an episode on the relationship with technology and social media and physician wellness. There was a 2023 meta-analysis from a monthly publication called Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking that showed high social media use correlates with increased loneliness, especially among women. I acknowledge how the dark side of social media has a dramatic impact on teens with cyberbullying, internet addiction and device addiction. There is this augmented reality about social media as I scroll through all these curated posts that scream success and happiness. It does have a way of reinforcing self-doubt and isolation. There is a silver lining, however. Just increasing awareness of scrolling habits can reduce usage and FOMO. There are ways to pull back and engage more with the positive aspects while not getting sucked into the negatives, as much. Today, I encourage you to think about your own social media habits. What are you doing well? And what might you want to curtail?

How to Start Strengthening Your Social Connections Today

As I’ve explored in this episode, social connection isn’t just a “nice-to-have,” it’s vital to well-being and even longevity. While avoiding loneliness can protect people, actively building connection is what truly heals and strengthens them from the inside out. The good news? You don’t have to overhaul your entire life to feel the difference. Start with small, intentional steps:

• Reach out to someone you’ve lost touch with. A quick message or phone call can rekindle warmth.
• Get involved in something bigger than yourself. Join a group, volunteer, or simply show up somewhere new.
• Make space for presence. Whether it’s a mindful walk in your neighborhood or putting your phone down during family dinner, real connection starts with being present.

And remember, these steps aren’t just about reducing stress or checking off a wellness box. They’re about creating a life that feels full, meaningful, and deeply human. You deserve that. What’s one way you will strengthen your social connection this week? I’d love to hear. Don’t forget to join me next week for another dose of support and inspiration. Until then, take care of yourselves, and take care of those who matter most. It’s Time to Take Control and Thrive!