How to Downshift & Rest for Doctor Moms

Intentional Downshifting for Physician Moms: My Hotel-Room Breakthrough

I’m sitting in a hotel room, my chair swiveled to face the large picture window. Even though it’s a hot June day outside, and I have a hard time reconciling the snow I see on the distant mountain tops.

I’m having an even harder time reconciling that I’m sitting inside, writing, when I feel I should be out at a park, taking an easy hike, or visiting local shops. After all, I’m visiting a new town in Colorado!

Today is Monday and I have the day to myself as my son stays overnight at a college orientation. 

On a typical Monday at home, I’d be at my desk working so I feel obligated not to miss a beat even though away. 

But there’s another part of me that says, hey life is short, you have a chance to make a day for yourself!

I’m not sure why this is hard. After all, I’m used to being on the go with packed vacation plans with my family. If they were here, we’d be out on a trail right now!

I’m learning that I write the rule book and that the unsolicited urging to get work done makes no sense. 

It’s time to downshift my expectations, again. It’s a constant decision that I need to make, not at all natural yet. 

I’m still reprogramming myself from the decades of running myself at 110%.

So, as I sat in that hotel room, I came to a compromise. Considering all my options, I did have 45 minutes to sit there, sip coffee, and write. In fact, it brings me joy. And it would save my future self (3 days from now) the stress of trying to get things done. 

I realized my goal is to live my days savoring the moments that refresh me and silence the thoughts that tell me I should be doing more. 

So, after those 45 minutes of writing with my feet up, I headed over to a popular street market and perused tea shops for my next favorite blend to take home to my husband — where we could savor a fresh brewed cup together. 

When ‘Off Duty’ Feels Like More Work: The Productivity Pressure Loop

I share a common problem with physician moms – that engrained operating system that makes us tun at 110%, even on days off.

There’s this internal script that says things like: “I should be working.” “I shouldn’t waste this time.” “I should be making the most of this moment.”

That’s exactly what I was experiencing in that hotel room. I had time alone in this beautiful place, yet I still felt torn between rest and pampering myself and responsibility.

I only recognized this disconnect because I thought about a friend’s response to my short trip. She said, “That’s wonderful! You get to relax and pamper yourself!”

In typical high-achiever fashion, I corrected her and said “Well, I’ll have a chance to get some work done.”

And it was her response that stuck with me. Or rather, the change in her tone in voice of mild disappointment for me. It made me pause and consider, “Am I wrong to think this way?”

I then brushed it off only to have the same thought as I stared at those mountains.

I thought, “Why can’t I let myself just take the whole day off and pamper myself?”

And I realize I justified work here as a joyful activity – writing.

Where was this guilt coming from?

I think it was guilt over not being productive. You see, I was confusing “free time” with a pressure to maximize every moment.

I also had this fear of missing out on my chance to explore this city on my own terms. And maybe even a fear of hearing that disappointment again in my friend’s voice when I told her about my trip.

Rewrite Your Rulebook to Downshift Intentionally

My self-taught lesson was to learn that I write the rulebook, or I should say, rewrite the rulebook.

This requires a mindset shift away from decades of training and toward what matters most today. It means setting new expectations for yourself, that you can live with. It’s doing away with obligation to others’ expectations and opinions.

You can do this. You first have to give yourself permission.  Then, real growth can happen.

You can recenter your mindset on the now.

Consider these questions:

• What would bring me joy right now?
• What would lighten my mental load?
• Am I making choices out of fear – like fear of missing out, or guilt?

That day part of me wanted to go find a park, but I knew what would bring me joy right then was leaning back in the chair, sipping on coffee and enjoying the silence while I wrote. It’s like I created a happy bubble in that moment, and I savored it.

I also knew that getting even 45 minutes of writing done would greatly lighten my mental load of having more to do than I had time for. And, as my response to that last question about whether I was making a choice out of fear and guilt – nope, I was now making a choice on my new, revised rulebook. And that felt good.

Practical Tips to Downshift

What are some practical tips to help you downshift?

• It may help to compartmentalize your time by scheduling in free time. This is a time with no to-do list, just space to be and explore. This is something that helps me tremendously. I’m more apt to focus in on short periods of work knowing that there is both an end point and reward time to just

• When you start your “work” period, be sure to name your “enough.” It’s like setting a minimum bar of achievement. When will you know you’re done? Plan that before you start working lest you get caught on the slippery slope of needing to do just a little bit more to feel satisfied.

• Allow yourself mini compromises. It’s OK to do a little of both work and fun, if that’s what your personal rulebook says.

• Be kind to your future self too. This can help you guide your decisions for the present moment. I found joy in knowing I would make life easier for myself three days in the future. And, as I finished this episode later that week, I thanked my past self!

Closing Thoughts on Finding Your Peace

With a little conscious effort, I actively edit my own rulebook, sometimes daily. When those feelings of guilt pop up, or a friend’s reaction stops me in my tracks, I listen. Because that is a moment of potential growth, clarity and change.

Downshifting does not mean disengaging, it means choosing what fills you up instead of draining you. When you base your decisions of what matters most in your life, you won’t be disappointed. When you pick activities that ease your mental load, you are gifting your future self peace.

I’m happy to say, the rest of that day in the mountains was so much fun. I found a bookstore with a tea shop and a backyard garden to sip the house special – a matcha blend in my own little teapot.  

I fully relaxed into the day having gifted myself free, unstructured time and it was blissful.

Don’t forget to join me next week for another dose of support and inspiration. Until then, take care of yourselves, and take care of those who matter most.

It’s Time to Take Control and Thrive!