Am I Hurting My Kids by Doing It All? Lessons for Physician Moms from Dr. Rita Fisler

To go to a specific point in the transcript, please use the Episode Timeline below.

• Meet Dr. Rita Fisler: Background, Training & Early Career in Medicine
• How She Balanced Harvard Medical School with Motherhood
• What Would You Do with an Extra Hour of Free Time?
• From Music to Medicine: Dr. Fisler’s Unlikely Journey
• From Psychiatry to Dermatology: The Career Decision That Shaped Her Journey
• Using Integrative Medicine for Stress Management & Physician Wellness
• Parenting Lessons, Flexibility and Raising Resilient Kids as a Physician Mom
• Dr. Fisler’s Perspective on Changing Today’s Healthcare System
• Practical Advice for Young Moms Pursuing Medical Careers
• Episode Wrap-Up: How to Connect with Dr. Fisler

Episode 79: Am I Hurting My Kids by Doing It All? Lessons for Physician Moms from Dr. Rita Fisler

What if chasing your dreams doesn’t harm your kids … but quietly shapes them into thriving adults?

Dr. Rita Fisler has lived that question. She had two babies while a medical student at Harvard. She then rose to chief resident in dermatology and built a 20-year career, all while navigating the fears and worries of the impact a medical career has on raising children.

In this episode, she shares her missteps and the many tools she used to help her boys thrive. A simple practice, priceless mentors, and mindset shifts all liberated her from striving for perfection. She modeled resilience.

If you’ve ever whispered, “Am I hurting my kids by doing it all?” listen to these inspiring lessons for moms in medicine that navigate work-life balance daily.

Meet Dr. Rita Fisler: Background, Training & Early Career in Medicine

Dr. Cindy: Hello from Inspired Mom MDs. I’m your host at Dr. Cindy Van Praag. Today we’re tackling a common worry that I hear about a lot, and that is, “Am I hurting my kids by trying to do it all?”

My guest today is Dr. Rita Fisler.

She’s a board-certified dermatologist who graduated from Harvard Medical School and trained at Massachusetts General Hospital and then University of Kansas, where she was chief resident. She has spent over 20 years in practice, and she has been published in many medical journals throughout the years.

She has extensive experience presenting and lecturing to the medical community. She also had two children while in medical school, let that sink in, and knows firsthand what it’s like to struggle with the juggle.

And here’s the thing, her kids turned out to be successful, happy, and respectful young men with great careers.

You’ll also discover today her core message to young moms. So if you’ve ever [00:01:00] worried, “How am I going to pull this off? Can I balance this?” This episode will feel like a deep breath and a dose of encouragement. Welcome, Dr. Fisler. It’s so great to have you here today.

How She Balanced Harvard Medical School with Motherhood

Dr. Fisler: Thanks Cindy. I was really happy to do this.

I find myself in the last 10 years talking to a lot of younger women and hearing their struggles and their concerns, and I think, wow, I remember that. I remember how difficult and challenging it was, and I had so many fears. And now on the other side, you know, why did I stress so much?

So, I try to give a little bit of encouragement and, a little voice from your future self, kind of perspective. Because it’s not easy.

It’s funny you say two kids in medical school – that was not planned. But I joke – so I did anatomy for the first eight weeks of medical school, and so I smelled like formaldehyde for the first eight weeks. And I think that it was after that that my husband and I decided, yeah, we’re going to spend more time together.

My first son was born at the end of my first year of medical school, and then the second one, almost two years later.

And I relied on a lot of other women then, our dean of students had kids in medical school and there was one other person who, I think she was a third year resident. I talked to them and said, “Hey, how do you do this?”

So that was really helpful to me.

Dr. Cindy: Oh gosh. I can’t wait to get into more of the specifics of your story.

What Would You Do with an Extra Hour of Free Time?

Dr. Cindy: So before we get really deep into your story, I do have an icebreaker question today.

And that would be if you had (time is a hot topic among busy physician moms) an extra hour completely to yourself every week, how would you spend it?

Dr. Fisler: Hmm. It’s a little easier to have time now because my kids are launched and out of the house. I’ve brought back a lot of things that I used to really love.

I don’t know if you knew this, but I was a professional musician before I went to med school, and I actually sang classical music, mostly opera in France, and then lived in Southeast Asia for a while teaching music.

And then after my second child was born, okay, something’s got to give. So, I didn’t do any of that even though I’m involved in music. I play guitar and I listen to music. I would love to get back into studying piano or studying guitar more seriously.

I think that’s how I would do it. I think that’s the one thing I haven’t brought back in.

Dr. Cindy: I love that answer. You do have time to do more and you still have some things that you want to bring back into your life, like music, and you are an opera singer. Do you think you might do more singing?

Dr. Fisler: Well, that’s a little harder. Opera is kind of like a sport. It’s a full-time sport.

There’s a lot of musculature and development that goes into that. The other thing is pregnancy, and hormones have really changed my voice. So, I guess I could sing mezzo soprano or maybe even tenor bass now, but I certainly couldn’t sing the coloratura, that I used to sing.

But I’ve found other ways to get music into my life just as a relaxing hobby. But, yeah, I think I would probably do that.

Maybe, maybe this is going to motivate me to do that, you know.

Dr. Cindy: I think you are going to motivate me to pick up another instrument also. I’ve played some in the past and my daughter played cello for a little while, and, kind of left it behind. So, it’s sitting in the closet. It’s in my mind that, ah. I could pick up that cello and learn how to play it. And that’s just such beautiful music comes out of that instrument. But thank you for that answer.

From Music to Medicine: Dr. Fisler’s Unlikely Journey

Dr. Cindy: So, pulling back a bit to the beginning of your career, what drew you towards medicine to begin with and what keeps it so meaningful to you after all these years?

Dr. Fisler: Those are great questions. As I said, I was a musician for a while, probably for about eight or nine years, and then I was traveling. I was in Indonesia, long story. I was supposed to spend about two years there. I had a position teaching vocal performance. So vocal coaching to music students, to singers.

I did some traveling and, you know, probably it was because I wasn’t really as good as I thought I was back then. I just felt so much, just empathy for some of the kids I met. There was a lot of poverty and a lot of kind of hard things that sort of changed me in what I saw and how these kids were growing up.

And so, when I came back to the States after about 11 months and I decided I wanted to work with refugee kids. I knocked on the door of a trauma center at Mass General Hospital. It was actually Bessel Van der Kolk, who wasn’t quite as well-known as he is now. And, on my CV I put that I’d studied gamelan music.

Which is a, Indonesian traditional music. Well, his wife was Dutch, which, of which Indonesia was a colony at one point. So, he knew all about gamelan music.

Dr. Cindy: Wow.

Dr. Fisler: He contacted me and brought me in for an interview and I said, yeah, I’m a musician. I had a bachelor’s degree in music, but I said, I want to work with kids.

So, he brought me on first as an unpaid research assistant, and then I moved up to a research coordinator, which was paid. I did that for about three years, and we studied all about the effects of chronic stress. At the time we weren’t talking much about how that affects the body, but more about how it creates depression and PTSD and flashbacks.

Dr. Van der Kolk was looking at all kinds of different interventions through his long and extensive career in PTSD. We did a number of studies that were really groundbreaking in the time, like how memories are stored differently in trauma situations rather than neutral or even happy situations.

So, then I had the decision, I said, I know I feel much more fulfilled doing this kind of work and felt like I was using my brain more. I felt like it was my niche. So, I looked into different options. I hadn’t taken a single science class in undergrad, because I did the conservatory route.

From Psychiatry to Dermatology: The Career Decision That Shaped Her Journey

Dr. Fisler: I had to take all those classes and luckily, I didn’t have kids at the time. It was a lot easier but then applied to a lot of different medical schools thinking, okay, I’m not going to get in anywhere. And lo and behold, I was accepted to several and, so yeah, so I walked in saying, well, I’m going to do psychiatry or research in psychiatry.

You know, even until the point where I matched, I was still looking at psychiatry versus derm. Derm really appealed to me because rather than the quick visits that, psychiatrists often have to conform with and prescribing medication, I got to really talk to my patients.

And at that time, like I said, I had two kids and the dermatology lifestyle was also very appealing. But then, dermatologists seemed pretty happy. And I thought I could work with my hands. I have time to talk to patients. I don’t have to focus on 15 different body systems, you know, I can just work on this one.

And so did a couple rotations and again, I didn’t think I was going to match. And that was kind of a theme for me. Like I didn’t really believe in myself back then, but I matched and I was able to do the training. And here I am 20 years later. It’s hard to believe it’s been 20 years.

Using Integrative Medicine for Stress Management & Physician Wellness

I love derm. I am now venturing into a lot of more integrated medicine where some of that early training and knowledge on how do we deal with stress, what does it do to us, how does it manifest in our bodies? That’s sort of coming back into play.

That’s one thing I wish I had known when my kids were younger because I didn’t really have a lot of stress management techniques. That’s developed over time, out of necessity, and not completely falling apart. I’ve had to manage my own stress in healthy ways. I’m sort of dealing with that now, bringing that into my practice in different ways now.

Dr. Cindy: Your story really illustrates how life just takes twists and turns that you never expect, but they can be so wonderful and rewarding.

The direction you end up going from music to studying with Van der Kolk, medical school that you didn’t think would happen, to away from psychiatry to dermatology. Those are incredible twists and turns of how life really is.

Dr. Fisler: Absolutely. And I think the message I give to my kids, I said, life is always going to change.

You need to be adaptive and if something isn’t working, take a step back and say, “What do I really need right now? What do I want to do? What’s going to make me feel fulfilled?” For everybody it’s different.

I have thought about quitting medicine at times, but I’ve seen that wasn’t really the answer for me.

It was just more adjusting not only how I’m practicing, but how I view my practice. And from starting 20 years ago and thinking, okay, I have to see X number of patients, and I have to make X amount of money, and how can I be efficient? Now it’s really changed. I am not perfect at this by any stretch, but I try to go into the room saying, “What can I give, how can I be of service?”

And that’s helped me so much. I’ve had really renewed joy in my practice. I’ve had a lot of really fulfilling and wonderful experiences with patients. I don’t get as upset when people are challenging or difficult or they’re not conforming to what I think they should be doing. You know, I’m listening more.

So that’s really revived my practice. Like I said, I’ve taken additional training courses throughout the 20 years, and so now I’m venturing into a lot of integrative medicine, which is super exciting and scary, because as we get good at something, it gets really comfortable, you know, like even doing this podcast.

I would rather sing a song for you than speak.

Dr. Cindy: You’re doing amazing, and I’m sure you could sing a beautiful song right now.

Dr. Fisler: My kids are now 28 and 26, and I mentioned this to my 26-year-old, and he looked at me with a furrowed brow and said,

“You’re doing a podcast?” I said, yeah. He goes, “Mom, you better prepare and have some funny stories, because otherwise people are just going to turn it off, you know?” And I thought, oh no. Funny stories. I’m not funny. But anyway, so I think stepping through our fears and embracing challenges, saying yes to things has sort of been my, what I’ve tried to do.

Dr. Cindy: Right. You’re saying yes to something new, and now you’re modeling that for your older children, you’re still modeling behavior for them.

Dr. Fisler: Yes, yes. I don’t know how old your kids are, but that’s never really changed. We’re still parenting, although in very different ways, and that’s exciting.

And that really gives a lot of growth opportunities as well. Where I really get to learn about myself through each stage. And I have to work through things, I have to work through my fears, I have to work through my control issues. I have to work through my own identity. And that’s been wonderful.

And I share that with them. I tell them if I’ve overstepped my bounds, and they’re very appreciative of that. We have a wonderful relationship today. Parenting never ends.

Parenting Lessons, Flexibility and Raising Resilient Kids as a Physician Mom

Dr. Cindy: I’m sure. To answer your question, mine are 16 and 18. So one of them just went to college.

And that’s a new phase in motherhood – letting your kid go little by little, but also still parenting. I’m not quite at the stage where they’re grown up yet, but I can imagine it will never end. They will always be your babies.

Speaking of babies, going back to medical school, when you had your kids, I just want to speak a little to the struggle of that and how you balanced that.

You mentioned earlier you had some mentors that you spoke with that helped you, but what got you through those years of having small kids and doing medical school and then residency and then everything? How do you get through that when your kids are running around, and life just feels like everything’s being thrown at you?

Dr. Fisler: Well, probably a lot of times, not with very much grace, I’ll tell you, I think at the time I realized I had to simplify and prioritize what was really important, I mean, the down and dirty of it, was I chopped my hair off. I didn’t take as many showers. I slept when I can, ate, when I can.

But I always tried to take time to rejuvenate. I’ve always worked out to some extent. And as I said, when I found myself in those moments where I was really frazzled, I had choices on how I was going to deal with the stress and how I was going to let it affect me.

I started doing some very mini meditation practices in the very beginning.

I really didn’t want to pick up unhealthy habits. There’s a lot of ways that we can deal with stress. We didn’t have TV in my house, growing up for reasons that I just didn’t want my kids watching TV all the time. So, I would hand them paper and crayons and coloring books and Legos and, and other things.

I didn’t veg out on Netflix the way, well sometimes I do now. I got into meditation, taking long walks, breathing, and just like letting things go, and it wasn’t easy. When my kids were, I guess it’s around two, two and a half, three when they start, you know, pulling at your, coat and saying, mommy, don’t leave.

Having to really have the bigger picture in mind. And really looking at my own emotions, and what did I want to have in the long run. And I really believed in what I was doing and that that was going to be eventually helpful for my kids to see a professional.

Mom and my husband at the time were very supportive. Although he had a busy job too, we didn’t have family living with us, so that was challenging. But you know, we just made it work, and we had babysitters and help when we needed it. Just, not sweating the small stuff.

I remember somebody said to me at one point, “Three months from now, how important is this issue really going to be?” And that was helpful.

I was very flexible. Both my kids are very different, my younger son, and he knows this, was quite challenging. And he was in several different preschools that really weren’t a good fit for him.

So, I pulled him out, when he was being made to stand in the corner because he wanted to not sleep during sleep time, he wanted to read and wanted to use more than one crayon at a time, and was told no, you’ll use one crayon and then you put it back. And that’s not how his brain worked.

I found other alternatives. We found a preschool that let him run around and let him be the weatherman and let him, read during nap time. So just being flexible with that. Of course, it was at a Jewish community center and then he ended up telling everybody he was Jewish, which he really wasn’t.

But you know, we let him have that experience. Flexibility and I think just wearing life, like a loose garment, you know, just letting things go.

Dr. Cindy: Wearing life like a loose garment. I’m going to have to write that one down. So even before you studied integrative medicine and learned a lot of different techniques for meditation and mindfulness and how to combat stress, you were doing this already. You mentioned that you were already prioritizing your time and your space and doing meditation back then.

Dr. Fisler: Yeah. And again, I didn’t do it perfectly, but I found out when I did it, the periods when I was doing it, even when I started it was three or four minutes just felt better and I had more inner resources.

I was calmer and then really able to see myself and what I was bringing to whatever situation I was in. So yeah, it was really helpful. Now that’s a big part of what I try to teach now. I have a clinical job, but I also do consulting. I’m moving into a new direction now, which is again, I won’t say too much about this now, but it’s really stretching me at this stage of my life.

Dr. Fisler’s Perspective on Changing Today’s Healthcare System

Dr. Fisler: But how do we change medicine because it’s not really working anymore. Patients are upset, physicians are getting burnt out. Really talented physicians are leaving. Patients don’t feel heard. They’re looking to other disciplines. They’re getting information from TikTok and, the internet.

And so how can we change? Because we haven’t failed yet, we’re at risk of that. We’re at risk of a lot of burnout and like I said, people not going into medicine anymore because it’s so challenging.

I believe there are a lot of people all over the country who are having the same thoughts and trying new things and we’re all sort of having this at the same time and coming together. And so how do I connect with these people, and how do I bring this onto more of a widespread level rather than just a personal level.

I really want to be part of this new, I think people call it Medicine 3.0 or whatever it is, so that we can preach more wellness rather than symptom management.

Even though I believe traditional medicine is very needed and useful, and I prescribe a lot of biologics, I do some very, high acuity medical dermatology. But there’s another piece that I think we’ve neglected and that I think patients are eager to hear about.

Dr. Cindy: Right. It sounds like part of a way to change the system is to give something that’s missing for patients, and that’s, if I’m getting this right, educating them more about the wellness side of things.

Is that what you’re saying?

Dr. Fisler: Right. Why don’t we advocate prevention rather than just symptom management? For my patients, for example, who have psoriasis and who have a lot of stress and have some lifestyle issues, smoking, alcohol, weight, we all know that contributes to inflammatory skin conditions, arthritis, all kinds of other things.

How can we introduce that? And a lot of times there’s a time constraint. But I think it first comes with addressing those issues in our own lives as well. And I’ve seen how in my life when I got healthier and I wasn’t necessarily eating healthy when I was in med school and residency and, you know, just struggling.

But as time goes on, I’ve seen if I make this tiny little change in my habits, wow. I feel a lot better. And I’m more relaxed. Well, I want more of that. And you know, I’m 63 years old, I don’t take any medications. It’s not that I haven’t had a few issues here or there, but I don’t have any major health problems and that’s not me.

And it’s not genetics; it’s lifestyle that has evolved. As time has gone on and I’ve seen what’s worked, I think that’s achievable for everyone, maybe not immediately. But we can at least help our patients to do that. And it starts with our own self-care, health management, wellness management. You know?

Dr. Cindy: Yes. I do. And prevention is so much easier than swooping in and treating disease. It’s just so logical, but it’s not part of the system right now. And I’m glad you’re part of the change.

Dr. Fisler: Well, a little bit, I’m trying.

Dr. Cindy: I have no doubt you’ll succeed in that.

Dr. Fisler: I’ve talked to my kids about that too. They were very good in school for the most part. They had their issues, their little forays into rebelling and acting out whatever, like most kids. But I always had them be accountable. They did their schoolwork. They had to have some sort of a community service activity.

They had to be involved in sports, and they had to be involved in music. Not that they had to excel, but just to have that experience. I was a little too successful with the music portion with my younger son because he ended up initially choosing music as a career. And we thought, oh no.

But he did, he followed his dreams and then at one point decided, he called me up and he said, “Mom. I’m not going to make any money in music. I think I’m going to switch my major.” And he was at a very prestigious college university for music. He said, I think I want to do software engineering. And so, I took a deep breath, swallowed my, oh my gosh, all this music lessons and camps and competitions, and you’re the top one of the top kids in the country and you have a very expensive instrument.

I cried Cindy, I just got off the phone and cried and then I got over my own feelings, called him back and said, “Okay, how can I help you? What do you need?” And you know, lo and behold, that was the best decision for him. But I had to let him, first of all, make his own decision to go into music.

Also decide, hey, you know, it doesn’t feel right anymore. I want to do something else. So, by just really addressing my own emotional reactions with my kids, I’ve, been able to be adaptive and just support them be their cheerleader. That was something else someone said to me, don’t micromanage your kids, be their cheerleader.

And so, I thought, wow, that’s great.

Dr. Cindy: I like how you allowed yourself to have those feelings of, “Oh no, all those lessons!” You allowed yourself to process the feelings, take a breath and step back, and then be the cheerleader for your child and support where they decide they want to go.

That’s a beautiful story.

Dr. Fisler: Yes, yes. Thank you.

Practical Advice for Young Moms Pursuing Medical Careers

Dr. Cindy: As a message for the mom listening today, who maybe the younger mom with the smaller kids today, what message would you give her if she’s worried, maybe she doesn’t have the mindfulness techniques, or she doesn’t have a meditation practice and it’s just all so overwhelming and wondering, “Oh my gosh, am I hurting my kids by going off to work every day and dropping them with a nanny or a babysitter or daycare?” What would you tell her right now if she’s feeling that?

Dr. Fisler: Hmm, that’s a really good question. I think, breathing is cheap and easy, and it’s right there. I see that with my patients as well.

When they’re not breathing, things hurt more, but I think in the moment sometimes all I can do and all I could do back then was breathe.

There’s a great technique that’s been pioneered by Andrew Weill. It’s the 4-7-8 breathing and it’s right there. And all we do is inhale slowly for four seconds. We hold it gently for seven seconds and then we exhale for eight seconds.

You only need to do that two or three times. And there’s this instantaneous peace. It activates our vagus nerve, decreases the fight or flight response. And it’s, it’s right there. And that’s truthfully what helps me today.

When I’m in a situation where I feel my emotions or back then, I had so much fear my kids were going to end up being the sniper on the top of the building, you know? Or they were going to be in jail. I thought their success or failure was within my responsibility. Then I realized it wasn’t, I was only one part as an important part in their lives.

But it was their school, their personalities, their friends, the choices they made, their grandparents, their babysitters. I was able to let go some of that responsibility. I had some really stressful moments. I was trying to do research papers and taking care of my kids and staying home.

I was speaking to somebody who was very important for my, the success of my career. And my 3-year-old runs in and says, “Mommy, my poop looks like a T-Rex!” Loudly. So, we weren’t Zooming at the time, but you could hear right over the phone. And there was silence for a second and my research advisor started laughing and she said, “Yeah, sometimes it does look like a T-Rex, you should tell him.“

So, having that humor and knowing, we get a lot of re-dos. When I’ve made mistakes with my kids, even when they were younger, sometimes I would lose my temper, even just having a harsh word. To my kids when I was frustrated, that wasn’t how I wanted to be.

I would say, “Hey, mommy’s sorry she lost her temper. We all get angry sometimes. Do you ever get angry? Well, it’s okay to be angry, but if we are angry and we hurt somebody’s feelings, then we need to apologize. So, I’m apologizing to you.” 

And he said, “That’s okay, mommy. Yeah. I get angry too. And sometimes I hit my brother when I’m angry.”

I thought, oh, okay. Really? And letting kids have their own responsibilities. I remember I was talking to a friend and I was saying, “Oh, my kids just, they just throw all their clothes all over the floor , and you know, I’m just always picking up after them.”

And my friend said, “Well, why are you picking up after them?“

I said, “Well, if I let all the underwear pile up in the bathroom, then it doesn’t go into the laundry and, and they have no clean underwear.”

And he’s, “Well, what would you do? What would they do if they didn’t have clean underwear?”

I said, “I don’t know. I’ve never let that happen.“

So, I had that experiment and I had to just sit on my hands to not pick up all the underwear that’s on the floor. And then, my seven or 8-year-old said, “The Babysitter didn’t do my laundry. I don’t have any underwear.” 

And I said, “Oh, well, where’s all your underwear?”

“It’s on the floor. It’s dirty.” 

So I said, “Well, you don’t want to wear dirty underwear, do you?” No. And I said, “Maybe it needs to go into the hamper so the babysitter can wash it.“

“Oh yeah. That’s a good idea.“

I never picked up underwear again. If we do things for our kids, even when they’re younger, rather than them allowing them to see the consequences of their behavior. Obviously not to the point where they’re going to get hurt. But to just grow through their challenges, whether they’re six or seven. Or 12 or 13, or 18 or 19, you know, or in their twenties.

We need to let them have their own experiences, even though we think we know best.

Let them develop the self-esteem that comes from making choices and seeing what works or what doesn’t work. And then seeing how, telling the truth pays off. If you flush your Lego down the toilet and the toilet’s plugged, well yeah, the plumber comes and finds the Lego. But you’re not going to get in trouble.

It’s not that bad. I’m not going to buy any more Lego until somebody tells me who put it in there. Oh, I did. Yeah. Okay, let’s go to the store. We don’t do that because then the plumber has to come and it costs money and then we don’t have our Legos.

That’s probably been the hardest thing for me is letting my kids have their own experience, allowing them the ability to make mistakes and change their direction.

It’s wonderful and it definitely pays off and my kids talk to me about things now. They’re not afraid to talk to me because I don’t judge. I mean, obviously we judge a little bit, but I judge in private. I don’t express – really, you’re getting a second dog and you both have busy jobs and the first dog was a handful and you know, whatever it is they’re going to do. I let them have their experiences and then they learn.

And then they can go forward in the future and say, “Hey, maybe I won’t do that again. Maybe I’ll be a little more aware of my time and my ability to handle things, and I won’t be so optimistic that I can just handle everything.”

But then, then when they’re little, I mean, how important is whatever I’m upset about?

How important is it anyway? Is it because I want my kids to look good because that makes me look like a good mom when their socks are matching. Or their shirts aren’t inside out. Or they’ve combed their hair, whatever it is, it’s not about me. Where’s the end goal?

I want my kids to grow up to be responsible, respectful, and confident adults. So, you know what? I let them experience life a little bit.

Dr. Cindy: Yes, they have. That’s how your kids have grown up.

I love that they said, “Mom, you have to have funny stories,” and you have told funny stories today. And it was about them, and you didn’t give the name of who said it. So, I applaud you for that. I think that’s great that you did tie in some of those stories.

Now for listeners who want to learn more about you, your work you’re going to be speaking more about wellness and how to change the healthcare system, how can they connect with you?

Episode Wrap-Up: How to Connect with Dr. Fisler

Dr. Fisler: Sure.

I’ve been doing a lot of consulting for an integrative health company that, has been wonderful. That’s not very accessible, but anyone is welcome to email me at my personal email.

There’s some interesting things in the work. I started an LLC, Integrative Skin Solutions, which is sort of up and coming, but you know, I’m working more now with other practitioners in different fields and people who have really worked on this whole integrative health picture.

We’re putting things together now for dermatologists. There are resources out there for primary care doctors, for oncologists. It’s not huge, but I’m happy to point anyone in the direction if they’re interested. There are a lot of resources, The Andrew Weil Center for Integrative Medicine, the American Board of Integrative Medicine. There are all kinds of different, tools and, we don’t have to do this on a big level. We don’t have to quit our jobs tomorrow and open up shop, we can introduce things slowly and patients have been very, very receptive to that.

And I think we’re going to see in the next five to 10 years that’s really a bigger part of everyone’s practice. What we’re trying to do is get this into the core medical school curriculum and residency training. How do we teach residents to take care of themselves and to be healthy?

I’m on these chat boards. I see so many residents. They want to quit. And I’m thinking, you don’t have to quit. We just need to do things a little bit differently and not buy into the I have to be X or Y or Z. Find your own voice. Take the time to see what makes me happy.

I’ve had, a lot of moments in my life where I really had to step back, not prioritize everyone else, but say, what makes me happy and what do I need right now, and how can I introduce some more of these things that make me happy just a little bit in my life so I can start feeling that peace and fulfillment and direction again?

Because burnout is real. And we don’t have to let it get to the point where we’re quitting or, we’re feeling kind of hopeless, so we need to address it. And I think we need to do that in medical school and in residency. A lot of times it’s connecting with people who have done that.

I had a lot of women that I spoke with, when I was feeling overwhelmed who had done it, who, had been down that path before. And, we have to rely on community. You know, it takes a village to raise kids.

I’ll tell you, I internalized a lot of negativity. I was living in the Midwest, and I was finishing my residency and I had this one mom, she was a stay-at-home mom, and she said to me, “Oh. See, you want other people to raise your children?“

I was shocked. She’s like, what? I really took that to heart. I felt terrible. Then we had to look at it. When I was home with my kids, when they were little, I was home. I wasn’t chatting with my girlfriends, I wasn’t going to bunko, I wasn’t drinking or watching tv. I was present. I sat on the floor. I played with my kids. I let them stay up an hour later so that we could have some quality time together. I really turned off medicine.

That’s what we need to be able to do, to be present. And likewise, when we’re seeing our patients, we have to turn off the fact that, our kid is having in high school or in college.

We got to be able to turn that off and be present and then, say, “What do I need right now? I need to listen to this patient who’s crashing or who’s struggling.” And then deal with it later.

Someone said to me, “We can have everything.” We can’t necessarily have everything all at the same time.

Yes. So, I didn’t play the guitar, I didn’t do yoga, which I do now. I didn’t have that when I was q3 and at Mass General and in ICU, you know?

Dr. Cindy: Right.

Dr. Fisler: It was survival mode.

Dr. Cindy: Definitely. I so appreciate all of your advice today. I’ll put your contact information in the resources below. I’ll also put a link for the Andrew Weil 4-7-8 breathing technique so people can see how that’s done, if they want to revisit that. That was a beautiful technique that you taught everybody and your breath is always with you.

You don’t need any special tools; you just need yourself. So that was beautiful. Thank you for that.

Dr. Fisler: Absolutely.

Dr. Cindy: To everyone listening, if this episode gave you a breath of relief share it with another physician mom who may benefit too. And I want to extend so much thanks to our special guest today, Dr. Rita Fisler. I appreciate you being here. Thank you.

Dr. Fisler: Thank you, Cindy. This has been wonderful. I really appreciate you. I appreciate the work you’re doing. Thank you. You’re reaching a lot of people and it’s very necessary, so thank you. Thank you so much. Keep up the good work.

Dr. Cindy: Thank you.

It’s Time to Take Control and Thrive!

Resources:

• Dr. Rita Fisler’s email: Rita.fisler@pinnacleskin.com
• The 4-7-8 breathing technique by Dr. Andrew Weil
• Mindfulness and parenting
• LearnSkin – the first organization and community to address skin health, beauty and wellness from an integrative approach;  Has articles, seminaras as well as free pod-casts, link is here
• Integrative approaches to skin beauty
• Stress and the skin