Why Parenting Feels Harder Than Residency for Doctor Moms with Dr. Juhi Raizada

Episode 94: Why Parenting Feels Harder Than Residency for Doctor Moms with Dr. Juhi Raizada

Topics Covered

• Why Parenting Can Feel Harder Than Residency for Physician Moms
• Becoming a Physician Mom During Residency
• Why Physician Moms Struggle to Ask for Help
• The Guilt Physician Moms Feel When Work and Family Collide
• Why Doctors Are Trained to Fix Problems
• The 10-Second Reset to Transition from Doctor Mode to Mom Mode
• Modeling Emotional Awareness for Your Kids
• The Unique Challenges of Physician Motherhood
• Raising Kids in a Digital World: Boundaries, Screens, and Real-Life Connection
• The Parenting Principle Physician Moms Need Most

Parenting as a doctor mom can feel surprisingly hard.

You spend your day calm and focused with patients… solving problems and helping people through some of the most vulnerable moments in their lives.

And then you walk through the door at home.

Suddenly the skills that serve you so well in medicine don’t always translate.

You’re tired, your kids need you, emotions are high, and instead of feeling steady and patient, you feel reactive and overwhelmed.

Some days it feels like parenting as a doctor mom is harder than residency.

Today I’m joined by Dr. Juhi Raizada, a pediatrician, parent coach, and physician mom of two. With nearly two decades in pediatrics, she now helps parents navigate the space between being an excellent doctor and being the parent they want to be at home.

Medical training wires us to fix problems at work, not necessarily at home. Listen in for new, creative ways to move from reactivity to peace with your kids.

Find the full transcript and bonus resources for physician moms at inspiredmommds.com/94.

Why Parenting Can Feel Harder Than Residency for Physician Moms

Dr. Cindy: Hi everyone! Welcome back to Inspired Mom MDs. My guest today is Dr. Juhi Raizada, a pediatrician, parent coach, and physician mom of two.

With nearly two decades in pediatrics, Dr. Juhi has supported countless families in caring for their children's physical and emotional health. Along the way, her own experience as a physician mom revealed a familiar paradox: feeling steady and compassionate at work and yet stretched a little thin and maybe reactive at home.

Today, she works with physician moms, navigating that exact space, blending clinical insight, lived parenting experience, and practical tools that help even on the hardest, most frustrating days.

I'm really looking forward to this conversation about why parenting can feel harder than residency sometimes. Welcome! I'm so happy to have you here.

Dr. Juhi: Thank you so much for having me. It's an honor and a pleasure, and I'm really excited to dive in.

Becoming a Physician Mom During Residency

Dr. Cindy: Yes. Alright, let's do it. I would love to start with your story and what led you into this work, whether it's pediatrics or coaching.

Dr. Juhi: Yeah, I've been practicing as a pediatrician for about two decades, and I am a first-generation immigrant, so moving into the country and starting my residency and everything from scratch was an experience in and of itself. But then I also had a baby during the middle of my residency.

So motherhood has been a lot of ups and downs, which all moms go through, but I feel like physician moms have a special sort of journey in that they're so compassionate towards their patients and so dedicated to their work of giving and serving.

But then coming home and being a mom and just dealing with the daily things that we all moms deal with, so it has been a very rewarding and very gratifying journey of my personal growth itself. And so it drew me into coaching from being a pediatrician when I started navigating some of these challenges in my own personal journey at home.

Why Physician Moms Struggle to Ask for Help

Dr. Juhi: I was drawn to seeking help because seeking help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. But it does not come as easily, especially for physician moms. And so once I was past that hump, then I realized that motherhood doesn't have to be done alone, and we can really learn and navigate some of these challenges together.

Dr. Cindy: You have navigated a number of challenges, and I'm so grateful that you're now helping other physician moms navigate those, too.

Dr. Juhi: Yes. I think it is really important to understand – I'm not saying that the physician moms are some sort of special mom, but it is just takes a special human being to go through all of that learning and schooling and the residency hours and then, in some cases, fellowship, and it just goes on and on, and then the clock is ticking.

At some point, if you want to have a family, you do have a family, and you're studying, or you're taking board exams. So I just feel like it's a little bit of a different experience and journey in that sense for a physician mom. And being a physician myself and a mom gives me an inside experience into the lives of other women in healthcare.

And so I'm able to be a little bit more relatable to their experience, whether it's lack of flexibility in the schedule or limited days off, navigating challenges like sick days. For our kids, and then not taking the sick day for ourselves and not being able to, or just feeling guilty about it.

I mean, there's just so many emotions around all of this. And so I'm honored and blessed that I'm able to help other moms in healthcare feel more supported and less guilty in their day-to-day lives.

The Guilt Physician Moms Feel When Work and Family Collide

Dr. Cindy: Yes. Absolutely. I like what you brought up, well, first, that you said that physician moms are a special kind of human.

And the sick days remind me of when my newborn baby, oh, he must've been a few months old, not newborn, caught salmonella poisoning. And oh my gosh. It was horrible. It was just horrible. And I had to stay home with him because he wouldn't take a bottle.

Dr. Juhi: Yeah. Of course.

Dr. Cindy: He didn't want anybody but Mom. And so, yes. Oh, that just brought up this whole story. And the feeling that I felt as a mom trying to do the best thing for my baby and having to take off work and just, "Oh!" It just tugs at your heart and guilt.

Dr. Juhi: It's heart-wrenching.

Dr. Cindy: Yes. There are so many stories like that, and I'm sure the listeners have those stories too,

Dr. Juhi: Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.

Why Doctors Are Trained to Fix Problems

Dr. Cindy: We as doctor moms are so adept at fixing other people when we go to work; that's our job definition is to fix patients. But we also, and catch me if I'm wrong on this, tend to be a little more reactive when we get home and when we're with our kids or our family or our partner.

How does medical training wire us more for fixing than connecting?

Dr. Juhi: Yeah, that's such a great question because all our lives, once we enter medical school, we're taught protocols, diagnoses, treatment, and prognosis. So all of these things are geared towards fixing because obviously we're trying to make our patients feel better, whether it's quality of life or just an infection or whatever it is, we're just trying to be in "fixing" mode because we're trying to make them better so they can lead their normal lives.

Whereas at home, we're playing with emotions and relationships, and because our brain is so hardwired by so many years of training to just think about how we can solve this problem, so that we can move on to the next room. And it's not like the problems are going to end, but then it's a new problem.

We provide a solution, and we keep moving. When we come home after seeing so many problems and solving so many problems all throughout the day, we are still in that mode. And even the commute and the moment we open the door, we're not just gonna just flip the switch unless we intentionally utilize some tools and make that switch that you know now.

Now I'm home. It takes a few minutes to just kind of recognize that and feel like that safety and security, and feel like you can be yourself. And so I think that has a huge role. I found, personally, a huge role in like me continuing on with that fixing mode when I get home.

The 10-Second Reset to Transition from Doctor Mode to Mom Mode

Dr. Cindy: You mentioned that there are some tools you can use when you get in the door. What are some of those?

Dr. Juhi: Yeah, so some of the tools that I teach my clients are just a ten- second, very simple reset that I teach. And it just includes pausing because it's just amazing how we underutilize the power of pause.

A pause can really shift your mode from that fixing and reactivity to empathy and understanding. So I recommend doing a pause, whether it's a deep breath or a square breathing. Whatever it is, you know, it could be just sitting in your car for 10 seconds, a little bit extra just to get you that switch.

And then awareness, and that awareness is just like, "Am I hungry?" "Am I sad or frustrated for any reason?" Fact-checking your own feelings before you start interacting with your family members can really help you just have a launchpad or a checker where you can be like, okay, well I was already feeling kind of sad.

So, that awareness and naming can help you shift your emotions and your interactions because you have that awareness. Maybe you'll head straight to the bathroom and just take a quick shower, or maybe you are just going to grab something to eat real quick before you even check in with your kids.

And I think that little gap between getting home and interaction can really fill your cup in, more ways than we think because, when we get home, we sometimes feel like, "Oh, it was such a long day already, and I've missed out on my kids, and I just want to jump in." But what if we kind of took a little step back and just do these couple things and then our interaction would be much more meaningful and neutral-toned.

Dr. Cindy: Yes. I love that. So the pause allows us to have awareness of what we are feeling and then thinking about what can fill our cup. Whether I walk in completely exhausted, maybe I could take a shower and pep up, or I walk in starving, I could run to the kitchen and get a healthy snack.

That gives us kind of a direction when we walk in the door and how we can help ourselves feel better in the moment, in that pause. I love that.

Modeling Emotional Awareness for Your Kids

Dr. Cindy: Now, what about the kids? You walk in the door, and the kids see mom, their eyes light up, and they run to you. Or for me, when my husband was traveling, I had to have a nanny to help. She would hand me my kids, walk out the door, the husband's not there. And then I couldn't really run off to the bathroom and shower.

Dr. Juhi: Yes.

Dr. Cindy: How do you help the kids regulate when you walk in the door, and they're just climbing on you, and you want to give them that love?

What do you do about that moment?

Dr. Juhi: Yes. I think that's so important, and it's so relatable because I've lived it myself. And I definitely, you know, we're doing our best. When we have little kids, we have nannies, we work full time, then we pay for the nanny, and then as soon as we get home, yes, our child was great all day, and we don't have to worry about sick days at that point. But we don't get a break when we enter the home.

Now our second shift starts; we've done our nine to five, and our five to nine starts, and I think the key to this would be to, yes, do the pause, but then when you enter the house, start talking about your feelings, and your kids can listen to it, like, “Mommy's really hungry and, let's grab a snack together” or “Mommy just needs a minute. I mean, I love hugging, I love snuggling you, but I also just walked in from a clinic where I saw a lot of sick patients, so I do need to grab a quick shower, so I'm not spreading the germs.”

I think talking is how we can model our feelings. And because sometimes, as moms, we feel like we're invincible and we just undermine our feelings. And I feel like that kind of leads to more burnout and more resentment within ourselves.

So the more we start talking about it. Like, I just need a break or I just need a snack, or I just need, and it's nothing unusual. I mean, it's nothing out of the ordinary. It's very basic, but it's just like kids will understand that yes, mommy also gets hungry. Mommy also needs a minute or whatever it may be.

And usually it doesn't take that long to just kind of shift, you know? It's just super quick, so it's not like we're neglecting our child; it's just that we're also taking care of ourselves, which is really very meaningful and makes our motherhood sustainable.

I always say that self-care is not selfish. It makes motherhood sustainable, and by self-care, I don't mean to have a spa day or doing anything elaborate. It's more just sitting down with a cup of tea for five minutes or less, you know, is also a form of self-care.

Dr. Cindy: Yeah. Well, self-care is meeting your basic needs.

Dr. Juhi: Exactly. Exactly.

The Unique Challenges of Physician Motherhood

Dr. Cindy: Now, I would love to talk about the identity piece of being a physician mom and, specifically, how physician moms fit in a social setting.

Why can it feel so hard for us to fit in the room with other parents? For example, with my first child, I did a breastfeeding group to learn – you know, I just didn't know anything. So I signed up and walked in. I was the only physician mom there and I didn't really fit in the room. And I know that there are different types of groups like this where the doctor mom walks in, and they're just different.

So talk about that.

Dr. Juhi: Yes, yes, yes. You brought up such a good point because as soon as your identity is revealed that you're a physician, I think it just changes the perspective of the audience, whether it's a mom group or it's a coaching group or just at the playground.

And as a pediatrician, I've felt it because, especially because as a pediatrician, when you're raising kids, they're like, "Oh, you know everything about kids. Like, so your kids must be perfect in every way.” And I'm just like, no, we're all just humans and we are going through similar kinds of things.

And so I feel like some of it could be, like, just again, like long hours and long training, and I feel like we're a little bit more burnt out, maybe. And so the threshold might be a little low. But it's again, kind of working towards filling our cups constantly and fitting in. I feel like it's something that kind of goes both ways.

But I do find meaningful conversations can happen across the board. It is just about finding common ground and going forward, whether it's a similar age group of kids or a similar situation that we're going into. On the other hand, I also find I've been in rooms where all the moms are physicians, and that's a different kind of conversation.

Sometimes it could be trying to fit in different ways in those rooms, too. I feel like it's a lot of self-work at the end of the day, where your identity is something that's, in my opinion, a work in progress. It's always kind of changing and evolving.

And the more self-awareness and groundedness that I have, the more I have empathy and understanding of the whole situation and the whole room.

And one thing I'd like to add here is also something that I recently understood a little bit better because I've always felt like, oh, I'm a very confident person, but I recently learned about self-confidence and self- worth.

I thought that was really powerful because confidence would be something external. As a physician, we're always talking to people, treating people. We could come across really confident, but as a person inside, I think self-worth really matters when you're alone by yourself.

Dr. Cindy: Do you have some tips for moms about building that internal self- worth?

Dr. Juhi: Yes. So I think one of the techniques that is really helpful for me and my clients is called a mirror technique, where I recommend that they, anytime of the day, stand in front of the mirror. It's just kind of what it sounds like. And then you talk about positive affirmations. Look yourself in the eye and talk about positive traits that you have and that helps build self-worth.

Another thing that helps is journaling, and specifically a gratitude journal, because a lot of times we focus on the next thing, but it's sometimes forgotten what we already have.

And that helps tremendously with self-worth. Just building a positive relationship with yourself.

Dr. Cindy: I've noticed too, when you talk about journaling and listing your positive attributes. I've noticed with clients when I ask them to list out their accomplishments, which is a similar idea, and they start going through all their accomplishments, and they realize, holy cow – I've done a lot.

I'm a pretty amazing person. I can't believe I've done all of these things, and you just kind of forget about them. You forget about all of these things that build our own self-worth. So I love that. The mirroring and the journaling bring those to light.

Dr. Juhi: Yes, yes. And then a little goes a long way. We don't need anything big or fancy for these things.

Raising Kids in a Digital World: Boundaries, Screens, and Real-Life Connection

Dr. Cindy: Yeah. Right. I'd like to shift a little and talk about modern parenting, which really includes parenting plus technology.

Dr. Juhi: Yes. Yes,

Dr. Cindy: My kids are 17 and 19, so I remember with my 19-year-old, when he was little, I was trying to get him to sleep, and he did not go down to sleep easily, and I would have to lay there with him. I was one of those moms. And I couldn't turn the light on and read because it would wake him up. And I didn't have a cell phone, I didn't have a computer. This was a long time ago.

And that was a struggle. And lo and behold, in this short span of a decade, I could have had a phone like sneaking it to read while he's going to sleep. Anyway, how has technology changed parenting for kids these days? What is the climate like now compared to what it was so recently?

Dr. Juhi: Yeah. We must have the same kids.

Dr. Cindy: Yeah.

Dr. Juhi: Because, I remember the same exact thing with my daughter not wanting to take a nap, but yes. And soon after the phones came out. And yes the world changed. Or I should say the smartphones came out, and the world changed.

I think millennial moms are like one of those generations where we were raised without phones, but now we're parenting with smartphones. And so I think it's such an interesting time for millennial moms because we don't really have anything to go by from our childhood.

And it's constantly, you could have this power struggle of dealing with the phone and all of the apps and all of that stuff, but ultimately it's gonna happen. It's going to come in the laps of these kids.

I would say the environment has changed quite a bit in the last decade because there's so much information.

It used to be that you could tell your child something and reason with them and have a conversation, and now it's at the touch of a button. Like now, especially with AI and things like that, Google, and if they have social media, they'll show you 10 things that are not true that you just said and why they're not true, and make you have a whole conversation around that.

So it's not that we, our kids won't have a phone with the phones themselves, with the information themselves. What has not changed is the values that we're trying to give our kids. And so if we are talking about those values and modeling those values, what do I mean by that?

For example, in terms of screen time and technology, if we model the right things that we want our kids to follow, then our kids will follow that even if they have smartphones.

And setting boundaries is really important as a parent because a lot of times, modern parenting, we are a little bit more flexible and giving. And I think some of it comes from the fact that we feel like, oh, if we do that, if we are more permissive, our kids will be closer to us, or our kids will listen more because some of it is coming from the guilt of being busy parents, and some of it is coming from just the environment and the technology, and it's just availability everywhere and a peer pressure as well.

Dr. Cindy: Yes.

Dr. Juhi: But I always tell my clients and my patients that boundaries are not a bad thing. Boundaries are a good thing. If we set the boundaries and we model the boundaries ourselves, we actually will raise kind and resilient kids, as opposed to us being nice all the time and giving in.

And then imagine what's going to happen if we just kind of keep practicing permissive parenting. Because this is also a myth that if we are conscious parents, we are permissive. Like, we're just kind of giving in all the time, which is not true at all.

Conscious parenting does help you practice parenting with boundaries. And it's our job to keep our kids safe. So if it's in the technological world, if we need to lock the apps or if we need to cut down the access after a certain time, those are all boundaries that are healthy.

Because our kids need to sleep. And of course, sometimes it's not like the chemicals that the doom scrolling releases, we all know. I mean, even as adults, sometimes you just can't stop.

And so these kids, their brains are under construction.

They are still developing, and they may not understand some of these things. Even though the teenagers may look like they're adults, their brains are actually not developed fully.

So it is our job to be friendly to our kids, but it's not our job to be their friends. I think it is our responsibility. Even more so, to act as these boundaries and teach healthy habits around screens.

Dr. Cindy: And again, model the behavior.

Dr. Juhi: Yeah.

Dr. Cindy: From when you come home from work, you model the behavior, regulating yourself to regulating yourself with technology, and model that for your kids.

Dr. Juhi: Absolutely.

Dr. Cindy: And you're not their friend; you're their parent.

Dr. Juhi: Yes. Yes.

The Parenting Principle Physician Moms Need Most

Dr. Cindy: Love that. So, as we start to wrap up today, what is one takeaway that you'd like to give the doctor mom listening today? It can be anything, just off the top of your head.

Dr. Juhi: I think the most important thing is that regulated parents raise regulated kids, and connection always comes before correction.

Whether we connect to ourselves first so that we can connect to our kids, or we connect to our kids first, and then we talk about correction. Because if we lead with that, then our doors are always gonna be open for conversations, but if we lead with dysregulation and correction, then those doors shut down very quickly.

And conversations are lesser and lesser. And lesser conversations will lead to more drifted relationships rather than closer relationships. And that's never the goal.

Dr. Cindy: Yeah, we want them to come to us. We want them to be open. Yes. Yes. Thank you for that advice.

How can people listening find you?

Dr. Juhi: Yes. You can follow me at Dr. Juhi, and if they DM me the word "connect," I can send them my free guide to connect with kids with no extra time needed because we're all busy parents, and I look forward to having a conversation on my Instagram.

Dr. Cindy: Love that. I will put that in the show notes. Love that.

Dr. Juhi: Awesome. Thank you.

Dr. Cindy: Thank you so much for being here today. Thank you.

Links:

• Facebook for Dr. Juhi
• Instagram for Dr. Juhi
• LinkedIn for Dr. Juhi